I'm thinking about taking a step back for a while from both blogging and some TTC message boards I hang out on. Since finding out I'm pregnant again, I've had my positive and negative days, although I'm trying very hard to have more positive ones than negative. This weekend my mom and Jeff kind of ganged up on me and told me I need to think more positive about this pregnancy, and they are right. Today driving in to work I was feeling pretty good. I was thinking to myself, there is no reason for this not to work out. Our first two losses were basically chalked up to bad luck, my RPL testing showed I have no autoimmune or blood clotting disorders that will affect anything, I actually ovulated close to a "normal" time this cycle, and I'm on progesterone supplements and Metformin. Basically, I feel like I have everything going for me this time around. So, based on that I was feeling positive.
Then I got to work and opened up my list of blogs I follow. There was an update from one who went in for her first OB appointment yesterday when she was 8w4d, and there was no heartbeat.
At my first appointment on the 21st I will be 8w4d. Needless to say, all kinds of horrible thoughts of the same thing happening to me flooded my mind. And that's when I decided I need to stay away from all this. Yes, I want to be here to support everyone I have come to know and care about, but for my own sanity and peace of mind I feel like I need to stay away for awhile, as seeing things like this does not put me an a good mental state.
So that is my stance today, although I'm sure I will still find myself lurking to keep up on everyone (I know it's going to be hard to stay away). Hopefully in a few weeks I'll be able to update with good news, and be in a better place emotionally to be ready for all this interwebz stuff again.