Thursday, June 28, 2012

Beta #2


More than doubled. 

I don't have anything to overanalyze compare these numbers too, because my ob/gyn never ran betas.  Maybe my betas would have always looked good in the beginning, or maybe not.  There's no way I'll ever know.  But, this reassures me for now.  I feel like this will help me stay calm and relaxed until our first ultrasound, which is 2 weeks from next Monday.   

I have to say though, after reading some of your comments, I'm a little worried I have a small army growing in there.....

Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Beta #1

Yes, you saw that right.  I have a beta to report.  I was a little confused in this post about my dates, and later realized that this past Friday would be 12dpo, not 11.  So I tested, and it was positive.

Jeff had a 20 year (I feel like I sound like I married an ol' geezer when I say that!) class reunion Saturday, so we left Friday afternoon to head to his hometown for the weekend.  And, because nothing is ever easy for me, I started having some brown spotting and mild cramping that lasted all weekend.  Part of me kept telling myself it was just little one snuggling in, and of course part of me was worried.  Luckily, it stopped Sunday and I could relax a little more. 

Needless to say, after that I wasn't too confident going in for my beta yesterday. 

I was told to call this morning to get my result.  After looking at this chart I was thinking my number would be somewhere between 100-200 (at 15dpo).  I realize the numbers can vary quite a bit, and it's the doubling time that matters more than the actual number.  But still, I kept telling myself anything over 100 I would be okay with, and something closer to 200 would make me relax a little more.  So I was shocked when the nurse told me the number.


"Oh my God!" were the exact words out of my mouth when she said that.  That was nowhere near what I was expecting to hear.  Again, I know one number doesn't mean anything, and it's the doubling that counts, but that number gave me a lot of reassurance.  We still have a long way to go, but it helps to know that as of today, everything is good. 

Second beta draw is tomorrow and I should have the results Thursday morning. 


Thursday, June 21, 2012


I've been meaning to post this all week, and just haven't found the time.  After many weeks with no rain (our poor grass is brown and crunchy), we finally got a mini-storm last Saturday evening.  It didn't last long, but it was enough of a storm that I was able to get that cozy feel that comes along with a good storm.  Just as it was ending, we decided to run out and rent a movie for the night.  As we got back in the car with our movie and were pulling out of the parking lot, we saw this in front of us:

 (do you see it?)

My mind and heart immediately went to Alissa and her sweet angels.  You see, they are always giving her signs, in the form of rainbows, that they are still around.  So I couldn't help but think of her. 

And they were still there when we got home.

We decided to walk down to the pond in our neighboorhood to feed the ducks.  Unfortunately, they ran away from Jeff as soon as he started walking toward them.

(awe, he looks so lonely)

But we still got to enjoy another awesome view.

Have a great weekend :)

Friday, June 15, 2012

My New Friends

Warning:  there might be a little TMI in this post.  Proceed with caution....

These little guys are starting to grow on me. 

I was prescribed by my RE to take Prometrium during the 2WW.  They are an oral pill, but I'm instructed to take them vaginally.  During my last pregnancy, my ob/gyn had me on progesterone suppositories, and let me just say the difference between the two is like night at day. 

There is no lying down for 30 minutes after inserting these (read:  no getting up at 5:30am, walking out to the kitchen, taking a suppository out of the fridge, going to the bathroom to insert it, washing my hands, and going back to bed and lying wide awake for 30 minutes waiting for my second alarm to go off).  Nope, I just insert one of these bad boys twice a day and and go on my merry way.  They are way less messy and don't cause irritation.  I have a tiny bit of pinkish/orange leakage, but nothing a pantiliner can't handle. 

It almost seems too easy.  I'm not sure if a suppository is more effective than Prometrium, and Google is failing to give me an answer.  My RE said they basically work the same, and since this is easier, it's what they go with.  I assume my RE knows what he's doing so I'm going to trust him and not worry about it. 

They must be working, as my boobs (ok, it's just my nipples and not the entire boob if you want the honest truth) have been sore ever since I started taking them.  So my body must be absorbing them like it should. 

I know I said I don't care either way what the outcome of this cycle is (and I really don't), but this 2WW still seems to be dragging by.  I still have over a week to go before I can test.  I was planning on testing next Saturday (at 12dpo) but now Jeff is talking about possibly going home for his high school class reunion next weekend.  Which means I'd either have to test at his mom's house, or wait until Monday (14dpo).  Since I really don't want to pee on a stick outside of the comfort of my own bathroom, at this point I'm leaning towards holding off until Monday (or seeing what a Friday morning test produces....because you know, I'm impatient like that).   

Have a great weekend!

Friday, June 8, 2012

Ready, Aim, Trigger

When I went in Tuesday (CD10) this week, I didn't have any follicles over 10mm, and was already getting discouraged thinking this cycle might end up being a bust.  They incresed my dosage of Follistim and had me come back today for another ultrasound.  It looks like my ovaries decided to kick it into gear and start making some things happen.

My follicle sizes today were: 1@18mm, 1@15mm, 3@14mm, and 1@12mm

The RE I met with said she was a little nervous about letting me trigger, but thinks it will be okay and gave me the go ahead (as long as I wanted to) to trigger tonight.  She said the smaller ones could catch up and end up containing a mature egg, but she doesn't think they will....though she said she has seen crazier things happen (followed by some stories of patients she's worked with, which freaked me out a little). 

I was a little surprised to hear we were at the point of triggering already today, only because I've seen most people say follicles need to be between 18-20mm to trigger.  I guess the fact that I have one at 18mm is how they decide it's time?

I'm not going to lie.  I'm nervous.  I'm nervous about being pregnant again and all the emotions that come with it.  Part of me wants to put a halt to all of this right now in order to avoid those impending fears.  But at the same time, I know I'll never fully be ready.  Whether it's 3 months from now or a year from now, I'll always be scared of the what if's.  So I figure now is as good of a time as any.  I've already gone through doing the injections, so I might as well see this cycle through and see what happens and hope for the best. 

And honestly, if it doesn't work out this cycle, I'm 100% okay with that too.


Monday, June 4, 2012

How Far We've Come

Last night was my first date with this guy:

What's the ice cream topping doing there you ask?  That was my reward afterwards :)

And it went good!  Jeff ended up giving me the shot.  I could have done it myself, but he really wanted to for some reason.  And hey, I'm not going to argue with a husband that actually wants to be involved in this process.  I think the whole experience ended up being a bit more traumatic for him than me.  It was a piece of cake for me, but he said it made him a little woozy (this is the guy who practically went white when he was told he was going to have to give blood for our karyotyping).  I have to say it felt really weird staring at my belly while my husband stuck a needle in was a very surreal moment.  We do another injection tonight, and then I go in tomorrow for an ultrasound to see where I stand.

Warning:  I'm about to get really cheesy and sentimental.

I'm so thankful I have Jeff by my side throughout all of this.  I can honestly say I never expected him to be as supportive as he has been.  When I first got my PCOS diagnosis, I remember feeling overwelmingly alone.  I felt like this was my hurdle to try and get over all by myself.  My biggest fear was Jeff leaving me if I couldn't give him the kids he's always wanted.  And now looking back, I see how silly I was. 

Granted, I don't think at first he realized what me having PCOS really meant (hell, even I didn't fully understand it either at that point).  And yes, our first loss didn't hit him as hard as it hit me.  But now, after all we've been through since, he gets it.  And he's still standing beside me, holding my hand the entire time. 

I'm not going to say I'm happy we've had three miscarriages, but in a weird/f*cked up way I am thankful for them.  I can say for certain our relationship would not be as strong today as it would have been had they not happened.  I feel like if we can get through what we've been through, we will have no problems handling whatever else life has in store for us.  It's such an awesome feeling knowing you are always going to have somebody by your side, no matter what. 

So thank you, Jeff.  Thanks for being my rock.  I love you.