Thursday, March 22, 2012

Scared, But Moving On

I had my follow-up appointment with my ob/gyn this morning.  I was a nervous wreck going into it, as I was prepared to tell her I wanted to seek further testing and treatment with a RE.  I was worried about how she would react, but hopeful she would understand where I was coming from, and I even thought perhaps she would suggest this herself.  Just as I feared, when I suggested that maybe seeing a RE would be beneficial, she didn't take the bait. 

She doesn't think a RE would do anything differently than what she's doing.

She thinks seeing a RE would be beneficial if I wasn't ovulating, but since I respond to Clomid and don't have trouble getting pregnant, she doesn't think it would be necessary.

She's willing to do chromosomal analysis for Jeff and I, as well as a HSG.  However, she said if either of these things show something wrong, there's nothing that can be done about it anyway.  First, I don't believe that an issue with my uterus can't be fixed.  Most things can....right?  And yes I realize nothing can be done about our genetics.  However if, God forbid, blood tests show that either one of us has a chromosome issue, we'd much rather know about it now instead of going through this same cycle of getting pregnant and miscarrying over and over again.  Why would be put ourselves through that if we didn't have to?

She threw out other ideas of things to try:  Femera instead of Clomid, throwing baby aspirin in the mix even though I don't have clotting disorders.  She suggests these things but then stares at me like I'm suppose to be the one to decide what we do.  You're the doctor.  You need to tell me what do to.

As soon as I could see the conversation wasn't going to swing the way I wanted it to, I shut down.  I put up a wall, nodded my head, and said okay we'd think about it.  I wish I had the guts to just tell her we'll be going to a RE anyway, but by that point I didn't care.  I just wanted to get out of there so I could start crying (which you can bet I did as soon as I got to my car). 

I hate to bash my doctor, because up until she now she really has been great.  I've been through a lot with her in the 8 years I've been going to her.  I trust her.  I know it sounds stupid, but when I fantasize about having a baby, she's always been included in my fantasy as the one to deliver him/her.  So stepping away from her not only scares me, but also makes me sad.  I assume once I do achieve a successful pregnancy, I will be go back to her, but who knows where this new road is going to lead us in the future. 

I don't question her knowledge per say.  She is probably right for the most part, we may find she isn't doing anything different than a RE would do.  But what bothers me is she doesn't seem to be supportive of a second opinion.  She can't admit that maybe, just maybe, she doesn't know it all.  And that maybe us seeing a specialist wouldn't be such a bad idea.

The other thing that has always bothered me, the thing I thought of while sitting in the room half naked for 35 minutes today waiting for her to see me, is I always feel like I'm not the priority in that office.  I feel like when I go there for a prenatal appointment, I get brought right back to the room, and I hardly have to wait for my doctor to come in.  But when I'm there for a Clomid check, or D&C follow-up appointment, I always have to wait a really long time.  It just makes me feel even that much more left behind.  Like the pregnant ladies are the important ones, and those who can't have a baby are on the bottom of the totem pole.  I'm ready to go to a doctor who's #1 priority all day every day is their patients' fertility.  Where we're all equally in first place instead of last.   

For some stupid, silly reason I wanted her blessing.  And I didn't get it.  And that upsets me.  But, I have to take this next step, with or without her blessing, because I know in my heart it's what is best for us. 

I'm so exhausted from the last year.  I feel like I have had to be my own advocate for so much.  I felt like I had to spend my time searching the internet to try and find an answer to our problems.  I'm just tired, and ready to put this in the hands of someone else.  I want to throw it all on a RE and tell him to take care of it.  Tell him to figure out what's wrong and what we need to do.  Have him make a plan for us.  Tell me what I need to do and where I need to be, and I'll do it.  I just can't think about it anymore...


  1. DO IT! Go to an RE ASAP!!!! You will be MUCH better cared for and a MUCH higher priority, you will NEVER be told there's nothing that can be done, there is always something that can be done that's what RE's do!!!!

    Good luck on finding and RE and I'm so sorry your OB wasn't more supportive and encouraging you to find the best help possible, which in your case is definitely a specialist!!!

  2. I totally feel where you are coming from. I want to know that these professionals are doing everything they can, are on my side, know more than me but will listen to what I have to say. I have to trust these people because they are my hope of being a mummy. They are there to make this happen, it is their job, you have enough to exhaust you without feeling all of this is your responsibility too.

  3. Follow your gut. I swear I could have wrote this post in Dec after my last miscarriage. I had the exact conversation with my OB and left the appt. feeling that he felt he could make no mistakes and I couldn't get help from anyone other than him. He told me all he could do was chromosome analysis on us (which we did) but that after that its just "try again". You can get help and a 2nd opinion and more testing will be helpful and put your mind at ease. I wrote in one of my first posts too that we have to be our own advocates.
    Follow your heart.

  4. DO IT IS RIGHT!!!! I had a very similar experience with my OBGYN. I had to walk away and take matters into my own hands. Best of luck to you and don't worry, when you are successfully pregnant and everything sticks you can always go back to her for your care. :) Hang in there!!!

  5. I think you are right in seeking out a RE. An OB/GYN is not a specialist. There are definitely more options and tests than your current doc is telling you about and you need to explore them all fully under the right direction. Continuing to do what you are doing us like repeatedly pushing the elevator button expecting it to make a difference. I think it's time to mix it up! I can't imagine there's such a thing as "bad luck" three times in a row. Good luck in your pursuit of more specialized care. She will be waiting for you when you get a successful pregnancy. Doctors can't really hold grudges, it's just not professional.

  6. ICLW greetings! I have PCOS and love my RE because he's an infertility specialist and an expert in PCOS. Not all RE's will be experts on PCOS, but they're out there if you look hard enough and ask around. My 1st RE wasn't proactive enough and honestly wasted our time. Once I switched to my 2nd RE, things moved quickly with additional bloodwork, tests, Sono, HSG xray, etc. and I was glad we made the decision to leave our 1st RE. I agree with K and the rest of the your gut and go with your heart. It's nothing personal because you want to have your baby asap! Blessing to you :)

  7. You don't need her blessing, you have ours. You need to trust your gut and get thyself to an RE. I think here in Canada, we do things differently... or maybe I just did, but I went straight from my family physician to an RE. I've learned the hard way that I need to trust in my instincts and push for what I need. It sucks that we have to be our own advocates, but physicians seem to forget that they are only humans and make mistakes and/or don't know everything. Don't waste any more time or sanity, do what you think is right. Good luck.

  8. I think you are making the right decision to go to a RE anyways...there are things that they can do that a regular OB can't. It is their specialty whereas an OB mostly deals with pregnancy, not getting someone pregnant.

    I'm sorry you didn't get the approval that you are looking for but I do think you are doing the right thing. I hope your appointment goes well!

    ICLW #61

  9. I'm so glad you're moving forward with an RE even without the blessing from your Ob/Gyn. I can't imagine just accepting that your losses have been solely bad luck. I really hope you get some answers, or at least a more proactive approach to achieving your next pregnancy and take home baby.

  10. I am glad you're moving to an RE. A Board certified RE has a lot more specified knowledge and experience to help you. That's not knocking your OB/Gyn at all. It's a field of study that requires study, practice and experience far beyond what an OB would have. Just my two cents as a follower of your blog. You deserve a happy outcome!

  11. Jenny,
    I just read this. Like everyone else has said, go to the RE. You are their normal--they deal with this stuff everyday and know what's best for you and, more importantly, what has worked with other people and how to handle people "like us." We are not the ones that are shoved to the end of the waiting list, as in the OB's office.

    Here's what I think. Take it or leave it.
    --Go see an RE. One that someone recommends to you (if you can). Ask around. And, if you don't like him/her...leave. See someone else. THis journey is hard enough without having a crappy doctor to deal with on top of everything else. Doctors can make this journey so much better or so much worse.
    --Tell them your history and ask what the options are--have them tell you a plan of what could be wrong, what they will try, a timeline, etc.
    --Do your research and ask questions. You are paying them for this service--they are working for you, not the other way around.
    --An HSG can determine if there are uterine issues. I have/had a bicornate uterus that returned after I had an HSG test, which led to a hysteroscopy.
    --Also, with your dream of having that OB delivering your child--at this point, i think that your dream is delivering your child. Period. Also, my RE doesn't deliver--he gets me to point B (which was 10 weeks, now 14-15 after stillbirth & miscarriage) but then I go to my OB for the rest of it. WOuld that be an option if you really want your OB involved?
    Hang in there.
    Go buy some ice cream and sit in the sun.


  12. Yes, please go see an RE there is truly a world of difference in their knowledge. I wish you the best on your journey.

  13. Oh are making the right decision. You HAVE to go with your gut and someone who validates your feelings. Please leave quickly and seek out an RE who you like and who will take you seriously.

    Infertility doesn't only mean you can't get pregnant, it also includes people who can't STAY pregnant. You can do many things to fix a uterine issue and there is testing to be done to rule out or confirm chromosomal issues. IVF (although an expensive option) can help weed out those embryos with a particular problem. Doing an HSG would be a good start as well as blood tests to check for clotting and other problems.

    I am proud of you for doing what is best for you. I've been told by ARNP's and my RE that as much as some OB/GYNS think they are authorities on infertility...they aren't. They are not specialists and should not pretend to be. Femara may be a good alternative, but since you get pregnant on Clomid I don't see the reason she suggested it.

    Stay strong and seek an RE that will be thorough and take you seriously.

    I'm pulling for you hon.

  14. I agree with all of the above... you definitely need to seek out an RE. Even if they do the same exact things, they have so much more experience with this and know what do and change when things aren't working. Your OB shouldn't make you feel bad about seeking out a second opinion! Also, REs have systems in place so you aren't waiting forever for your blood draws and ultrasounds. Good luck.