Thursday, December 22, 2011

Merry Christmas

I don't really have much to say, but thought I better write a quick update before I take off for the weekend, and I also wanted to wish everyone a Merry Christmas!

AF arrived yesterday so this cycle didn't work.  Our timing was a little off so I wasn't too surprised (even though I was a little depressed and in a horrible mood all weekend after I tested Saturday and got a BFN).  Luckily, by the time AF arrived I had a few days to come to terms with the fact that this wasn't our cycle and was okay with it.  At least I won't have to worry about starting progesterone suppositories while staying at our families' over Christmas (since I've never done them before I have no clue what to expect when the time comes, but have heard they can get pretty messy).

And, now I can drink as much wine as I want to help get me through the holiday :)  I'm pretty indifferent about Christmas this year.  It's not so much that I'm dreading it, I'm just basically looking foward to 2011 being over with, and getting through Christmas is a means to an end.  It does make me sad that this is our 2nd Christmas since starting TTC that we don't have a little one yet.  I remember last Christmas being sad that nothing was happening yet, but was looking forward to our appointment with the RE in January and really believed in my heart by this Christmas we would have a baby.  Stupid, stupid me. trying to stay positive I'll put on my fake happy face, and wish everyone a Merry Christmas!

Friday, December 9, 2011

Eating My Words

So....I may have to eat my words from my last post.  I may have ovulated afterall.  My BBT has been high for a few days now and it appears I have.  I have an appointment today to get my progesterone checked, so only time will tell for sure.  I would show you my chart but I can't figure out how to!

So why can't I seem to get positive OPKs?  I think I've written about this before that I am never able to catch my surge.  Is my surge really that short?  I get so frustrated with them that I've decided I'm not going to use them anymore.  I trust that as long as we're having sex every other day we should be covered, even though that didn't happen this cycle.  I find that by using the OPKs I get more focused on looking for that positive instead of just doing it.  They seem to do me more harm than good so I've decided to give them up. 

Other than TTC, things in my life are going well.  Despite our super crappy year, I'm letting myself enjoy the holiday season this year.  Our house is decorated, we managed to throw a few lights on our shrubs, and I've already spent one weekend baking cookies.  I plan on spending this weekend doing some more baking (and them I'm sure I'll be sick of it, haha!).  We did some shopping last night and managed to get quite a few gifts crossed off our list, which makes me feel way less stressed.  I think this is the first year that we actually know what we're getting everyone and aren't waiting until the last minute to do our shopping.  We are, however, struggling with ideas for our 2 year old nephews - so if anyone has ideas I'll gladly take them! 

Wednesday, December 7, 2011


I'm super annoyed with my body right now.  I swore I wasn't going to do a post complaining about my sucky body, but I just can't hold back any longer.  I'm currently on CD19 with no ovulation in sight.  I have some signs (cervical mucus and position - sorry for the TMI) that appear I'm gearing up to O, but my OPKs are very much negative and my temps are a little all over the place.   

When AF arrived all on her own 7 weeks post-miscarriage this time, I stupidly hoped my body might start cooperating a little more.  I was hoping my low-carb diet and Metformin would give me that extra little 'boost' this cycle to help me ovulate earlier than I have in the past.  I didn't ovulate until CD23 last time on Clomid (when I got pregnant the 2nd time) so I haven't completely given up hope yet.  I just get tired of waiting.  I've never been a patient person, but boy-oh-boy has my patience been tested this year.  I feel like all I've done is spent the last year and a half waiting - waiting through long unmedicated cycles, waiting to ovulate at a "normal" time while on Clomid, waiting for those first doctor's appointments once we did find out we were pregnant, spending half a day in the hospital (twice) waiting for my D&C's, waiting for the sting and sadness of losing our little ones to dissipate, waiting for my period to finally start after each miscarriage so that we could start trying again. 

And it's not that I even care so much about getting pregnant this cycle, I know the odds of it happening the first cycle are slim.  I just want to ovulate and feel like a normal woman.  I think that's the thing that women who have normal cycles can't quite understand.  For those of us with PCOS, the majority of the frustration is simply to be given a chance at getting pregnant.  If I had textbook 28-day cycles my anxiety level would be so much lower, because I would know that if things didn't work this month, I only had to wait a few weeks to try again.  With PCOS there never appears to be an end in sight with each cycle.  

I know I'll ovulate eventually.  Until then I guess I'll just keep peeing in a cup, sticking a thermometer in my mouth, and sticking a finger up my hooha.

Thursday, December 1, 2011

Bucket List

I'm getting started on my New Year's resolutions a month early.  Check out my "2012 Bucket List" page above.  These aren't necessarily resolutions, but moreso things that either I, or both of us, always talking about wanting to do, but never get around to.  It's time I take charge with my life instead of waiting for things to happen to me.  Like most, we always have good intentions, but time simply gets away from us and we never get around to doing the things we set out to do.  I thought by having a list in front of me (I've always been a "list" person) it would force me to finally accomplish some things.