Annoyed

I'm super annoyed with my body right now.  I swore I wasn't going to do a post complaining about my sucky body, but I just can't hold back any longer.  I'm currently on CD19 with no ovulation in sight.  I have some signs (cervical mucus and position - sorry for the TMI) that appear I'm gearing up to O, but my OPKs are very much negative and my temps are a little all over the place.   

When AF arrived all on her own 7 weeks post-miscarriage this time, I stupidly hoped my body might start cooperating a little more.  I was hoping my low-carb diet and Metformin would give me that extra little 'boost' this cycle to help me ovulate earlier than I have in the past.  I didn't ovulate until CD23 last time on Clomid (when I got pregnant the 2nd time) so I haven't completely given up hope yet.  I just get tired of waiting.  I've never been a patient person, but boy-oh-boy has my patience been tested this year.  I feel like all I've done is spent the last year and a half waiting - waiting through long unmedicated cycles, waiting to ovulate at a "normal" time while on Clomid, waiting for those first doctor's appointments once we did find out we were pregnant, spending half a day in the hospital (twice) waiting for my D&C's, waiting for the sting and sadness of losing our little ones to dissipate, waiting for my period to finally start after each miscarriage so that we could start trying again. 

And it's not that I even care so much about getting pregnant this cycle, I know the odds of it happening the first cycle are slim.  I just want to ovulate and feel like a normal woman.  I think that's the thing that women who have normal cycles can't quite understand.  For those of us with PCOS, the majority of the frustration is simply to be given a chance at getting pregnant.  If I had textbook 28-day cycles my anxiety level would be so much lower, because I would know that if things didn't work this month, I only had to wait a few weeks to try again.  With PCOS there never appears to be an end in sight with each cycle.  

I know I'll ovulate eventually.  Until then I guess I'll just keep peeing in a cup, sticking a thermometer in my mouth, and sticking a finger up my hooha.