After each of my losses I find myself going through this period of...entitlement. I feel like being able to have anything I want is the only trade-off from losing a baby that pacifies me. Like, if I can't have a baby, then I'm entitled to this AND that.
Jeff is a pretty conservative spender. I wouldn't necessarily call him frugal, he just takes time (a really long time) to think about a purchase before going forward with it. Before meeting him, I was pretty much the opposite. If I saw something I wanted, I bought it. If I racked up a $300 credit card bill, it was no big deal. Fortunately (or unfortunately - however you want to look at it), since meeting Jeff I've changed my ways. I now find myself hating credit cards and only using them when absolutely necessary, and immediately paying off the balance. If I see something in a store that I really want, I walk away and tell myself to sleep on it and that it will still be there the next day if I decide it's something I really need. And most of the time I decide I can live without it.
But oh how my attitude changes after a miscarriage. I start asking myself what's the point in saving money if we don't have daycare, diapers, and formula to pay for? Might as well buy whatever makes me happy in the moment, right? I bought a few things while shopping with my mom last week, but for the most part I've refrained from purchasing several other things I want....thus far. I find myself starting to weaken, however, and I'm not sure how much longer I can hold out.
I've also made many Star.buck's runs in the last week for $4 lattes. And I have been eating whatever carb-loaded foods I feel like eating. Unfortunately this has led to me gaining 3 pounds in the last week. Ugh. I really need to get back on track with my diet and exercise, it's just hard to find the motiviation right now.
I know these are just coping mechanisms, which is perfectly normal and understandable. I certainly don't think there's anything wrong with it either - there's much worse things I could be doing to cope besides spending money and eating junk food. I just find it interesting how strong this sense of "entitlement" becomes immediately after each loss.