Friday, March 30, 2012

Thank You Michelle

I rarely watch an episode of the Dug.gers, but after hearing that the season finale this week was going to be about their recent miscarriage, I felt compelled to watch.  So I recorded it, and finally worked up the courage to play it yesterday. 

And I have to say, I didn't shed as many tears as I thought I would.  Instead, the episode brought me so much peace within myself.  Yes, watching their ultrasound where they learned the horrific news that their baby no longer had a heartbeat was heart-wrenching.  It bought me back to all 3 of our ultrasounds where we found out the same news.  I felt like I was on that table with Michelle experiencing what she was experiencing right there with her.  (And I have to give her props for handling that moment with so much more grace than I ever have).

But the way she later spoke about her strong faith helped me to confirm what I already believed.  I have to say I've let my religion slip a little over the years.  Once I moved away from home, I haven't been able to find a church that I like, or one where I feel like I belong.  Even though I don't regularly attend church, however, I've never stopped believing in God.  Strangely our losses have made my faith stronger, while a lot of times people in these situations lose sight of it.  I've always believed we will be reuinted with our babies again someday.  So it brings me so much comfort that someone like Michelle, who has studied the bible way more than I have, believes the same thing. 

There is a lot of controversy out there over them choosing to make this time in their life public and air it on TV.  I'll admit I have differing opinions on them and their choices.  However, every time I do watch them, all I see is kindness, compassion, and love.  I think they are doing a great job in raising their children to be good, honest people who will be a positive contribution to society.    

What I don't understand is why people are okay with watching, say, some extravagant wedding of a Kar.dash.ian, whose marriage is only going to last .5 seconds, but they are not okay with someone sharing their real life experience of a miscarriage.  I'm sure the majority of those people who view it as wrong are those who haven't experienced it themselves.  The only reason they shy away from it, it because they don't want to face the reality that it could happen to them. 

So for that, I say thank you Michelle.  Thank you for having the courage to share your story.  I know it could not have been easy for you.  I could see that it wasn't easy for you.  I could see the pain in your eyes when you spoke to the camera.  Thank you for making those of us who have gone through a similar experience feel a little less alone.  Thank you for bringing the subject of miscarraige out into the open.  And thank you for teaching us more about your faith and reaffirming what I already knew to be true, but also find myself questioning at times.  


  1. I need to watch this. I have to admit that when I found out she was pregnant with #20, I was insanely jealous. I kept thinking, why couldn't it be me...I just want 1. But after hearing of her miscarriage, I felt awful for even feeling those feelings. Just because she has children, doesn't mean she deserves to have one taken away. It has given me a whole new outlook on anyone who is currently pregnant...especially if they are strangers. I don't know them...and I don't know their how can I judge them?!

    Although this journey has brought me a lot of tears and pain, it has also taught me a lot about myself...and about my faith in God. The heartbreak of it all is awful, but I do believe I will see my babies again one day.

  2. I couldn't bring myself to watch it. I relive the nightmare of being in that ultrasound room 3 times with the bad news every I didn't think I could handle it. But now I'm curious!

  3. i was out to lunch with a friend today, literally saying the same thing - that my faith is stronger than it has even been...that this journey has brought on more strength and faith than ever.
    i love and appreciate all you said about michelle duggar. i have always enjoyed the show. and admired them. people can judge, but it's true...what you said. that's real life. the kardashians...all a facade.
    whether you have 10 kids, 4, or zero...a miscarriage hurts and needs to be grieved.
    thank you for sharing this!
    i hope you and your hubby have a wonderful weekend <3

  4. I'm going to have to watch this too, I've had the losses too, and I still have very vivid memories of those moments...very painful. I most definitely agree that miscarriage should be talked about more. One of the hardest thing for me was not what people said about my miscarriage, but the lack of acknowledging that it happened, it was a lonely process to go through. I'm going to find the show online -Thanks!

  5. I am glad she shared her story. All of it. If she is going to allow America to follow her life and family, it seems only right to share this part as well. To shed light on this devastating reality that so many refuse to accept.