Monday, June 4, 2012

How Far We've Come

Last night was my first date with this guy:

What's the ice cream topping doing there you ask?  That was my reward afterwards :)

And it went good!  Jeff ended up giving me the shot.  I could have done it myself, but he really wanted to for some reason.  And hey, I'm not going to argue with a husband that actually wants to be involved in this process.  I think the whole experience ended up being a bit more traumatic for him than me.  It was a piece of cake for me, but he said it made him a little woozy (this is the guy who practically went white when he was told he was going to have to give blood for our karyotyping).  I have to say it felt really weird staring at my belly while my husband stuck a needle in was a very surreal moment.  We do another injection tonight, and then I go in tomorrow for an ultrasound to see where I stand.

Warning:  I'm about to get really cheesy and sentimental.

I'm so thankful I have Jeff by my side throughout all of this.  I can honestly say I never expected him to be as supportive as he has been.  When I first got my PCOS diagnosis, I remember feeling overwelmingly alone.  I felt like this was my hurdle to try and get over all by myself.  My biggest fear was Jeff leaving me if I couldn't give him the kids he's always wanted.  And now looking back, I see how silly I was. 

Granted, I don't think at first he realized what me having PCOS really meant (hell, even I didn't fully understand it either at that point).  And yes, our first loss didn't hit him as hard as it hit me.  But now, after all we've been through since, he gets it.  And he's still standing beside me, holding my hand the entire time. 

I'm not going to say I'm happy we've had three miscarriages, but in a weird/f*cked up way I am thankful for them.  I can say for certain our relationship would not be as strong today as it would have been had they not happened.  I feel like if we can get through what we've been through, we will have no problems handling whatever else life has in store for us.  It's such an awesome feeling knowing you are always going to have somebody by your side, no matter what. 

So thank you, Jeff.  Thanks for being my rock.  I love you.


  1. I totally know what you mean. I couldn't imagine if I had to go through everything without such a supportive husband! Glad you treated yourself too last night!

  2. IF and loss can bring people together or tear them apart and I am so glad we both survived it with our partners. You are so strong to be moving forward again after your most recent miscarriage. I have to tell you that this can happen for you. I have seen it with a friend of mine who has had multiple losses and is now 17 weeks. You are brave and deserving.

  3. Oh, Jenny, this was a wonderful post. Isn't it amazing how some of the shittiest of situations can bring us closer together. I'm so happy you have each other to lean on through this. You deserve a big bowl of ice cream every single night with a whole bottle of that topping! :)
    Been thinking about you and praying for you!
    Lots of love and luck.

  4. I totally know what you mean. IF/loss has made me even more thankful for Ben. Keeping my fingers crossed for you this cycle!

  5. I can understand this from my own experiences. If my husband hadn't been so supportive through the drug induced mood swings I wouldn't still have a marriage.