I'm not gonna lie folks, pregnancy announcements still hurt. Even though I'm currently pregnant, and am actually fairly optimistic about this pregnancy, it still cuts right through my heart when I hear a pregnancy announcement from a friend.
I went out to lunch today with one of Jeff's friends (ok, they are my friends too now that we're married but you know how it is - he and Jeff were friends before Jeff and I started dating). We work in the same building so we met up for lunch. During our conversation, he told me they are expecting #2. She told me last fall they were going to start trying so I knew it was going to happen sooner or later, but I guess I wasn't the least bit prepared to hear that news today - from him. It's put me in a funk for the rest of the afternoon.
My first reaction was to say "Oh yay, we're expecting too!" And then I remembered - I don't have that luxury of telling others early on that we're expecting, because there's no way to know how this is going to turn out and I can't get excited about it yet. So I kept my mouth shut. I immediately fast forwarded to July 1st (her due date) and thought of how I could very easily not be pregnant when their little one arrives, and already mentally started bracing myself for that. How sick and twisted is that? Unfortunately, that's how the mind of a recurrent miscarrier and infertile thinks. It's messed up. I've seen others write about how an infertile's mind never stops thinking like an infertile - even if they go on to have healthy babies, but today was really the first time I experienced that firsthand. It's so hard to explain how it feels to be pregnant, but be so insanely jealous of others who are also pregnant at the same time.
This couple's little girl was born at 24 weeks and, by many miracles and prayers, survived and is a happy and healthy 3 year old today. So believe me, if anyone else out there deserves a happy and healthy pregnancy it's them. I do wish them nothing but the best....but damn, my heart still hurts!