Friday, January 27, 2012

It Still Hurts!

I'm not gonna lie folks, pregnancy announcements still hurt.  Even though I'm currently pregnant, and am actually fairly optimistic about this pregnancy, it still cuts right through my heart when I hear a pregnancy announcement from a friend. 

I went out to lunch today with one of Jeff's friends (ok, they are my friends too now that we're married but you know how it is - he and Jeff were friends before Jeff and I started dating).  We work in the same building so we met up for lunch.  During our conversation, he told me they are expecting #2.  She told me last fall they were going to start trying so I knew it was going to happen sooner or later, but I guess I wasn't the least bit prepared to hear that news today - from him.  It's put me in a funk for the rest of the afternoon. 

My first reaction was to say "Oh yay, we're expecting too!"  And then I remembered - I don't have that luxury of telling others early on that we're expecting, because there's no way to know how this is going to turn out and I can't get excited about it yet.  So I kept my mouth shut.  I immediately fast forwarded to July 1st (her due date) and thought of how I could very easily not be pregnant when their little one arrives, and already mentally started bracing myself for that.  How sick and twisted is that?  Unfortunately, that's how the mind of a recurrent miscarrier and infertile thinks.  It's messed up.  I've seen others write about how an infertile's mind never stops thinking like an infertile - even if they go on to have healthy babies, but today was really the first time I experienced that firsthand.  It's so hard to explain how it feels to be pregnant, but be so insanely jealous of others who are also pregnant at the same time. 

This couple's little girl was born at 24 weeks and, by many miracles and prayers, survived and is a happy and healthy 3 year old today.  So believe me, if anyone else out there deserves a happy and healthy pregnancy it's them.  I do wish them nothing but the best....but damn, my heart still hurts!  


  1. I totally get where you're coming from. I'm pregnant but HATE pregnancy announcements. I unfollowed 3 blogs because the bloggers randomly announced their pregnancies, can't help it, I'm just not there yet. And yes, I too think about others due dates and how I might possible NOT be pregnant anymore. Sad sad world we live in us infertiles!

  2. I will always hate announcements. I think I have to find a way to get over it though because I will be hearing about them for at least 10-15 years more.
    It's okay to feel scared, it's so natural. Just try to think positive about it whenever you can manage.

  3. I am STILL the same way at 22 weeks along. It's hard to wrap our brains around the "I'm pregnant" part of all of this. It's totally normal and I think any of us infertiles can relate to that! It took me a long time to really be happy and enjoy my pregnancy in fear of getting hurt. I will be praying for you lots! :)