Every cycle once I coast right past CD14 (you know, the day when "normal" people ovulate) I start questioning everything:
- What if the Clomid doesn't work this cycle and I don't ovulate?
- Why is my doctor still dinking around with 50mg, shouldn't we be moving me up to 100mg?
- Am I doing the right thing by continuing to treat with my OB/GYN instead of a RE?
- If I was treating with an RE instead, would he be doing anything differently?
- What if we don't get pregnant this cycle? That means the number of Clomid cycles we can do is diminishing, and what if we have to move on to injectibles with a RE?
- Will Jeff or myself be able to give me shots if it comes down to that?
- Does ovulating later than "normal" mean my eggs are a poorer quality? Is this the reason for my miscarriages? Is there even such a thing? If there is, then maybe I don't want to get pregnant this cycle afterall.
- What if we get burned out of having sex and miss my fertile window, simply because it takes me so long to ovulate and we get sick of doing it by then?
- What if I don't get pregnant again with Clomid alone? What if someday it comes down to IVF? Will that be a huge waste of money if I can't even stay pregnant?
- Why does this have to be so hard?
I know I sound like a raging lunatic. But honestly, every single one of these thoughts ran through my head (multiple times) last night as I tried to go to sleep.
Someone please have me committed.
At least then I wouldn't have to worry about all this stuff.