Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Goodbye Angel #3

We didn't get good news at our appointment today.  There was no heartbeat and it was measuring 2 weeks behind.  I'm devastated.  I'm not ready to give up this fight yet, but I really don't know how much more I can take. 

My doctor feels like we're doing everything possible, and there's just no explanation for it.  After 3 losses I'm starting to find that to be a pretty tough pill to swallow.  I feel like I need  more answers than what we've gotten so far.  She said we can do chromosonal testing on both Jeff and I to see if there are any issues there.  However, if there is something chromosonal/genetically wrong with us, nothing can be done to change it.   She said issues with the uterus itself can sometimes cause miscarriage, but mine appears to be find to her and she really doesn't think that's an issue. 

So, I don't know what to do.  My doctor wants to keep doing what we're doing and hope for the best.  I feel like I need more than that.  I don't know if such a thing as egg quality really exists, but I can't help wondering if my PCOS is affecting the eggs themselves, and therefore things just aren't right from the start?  Would moving on to injectibles instead of dinking around with Clomid give us a better result, and reduce our chance for miscarriage somehow?  She doesn't think so.  If we were to seek a second opinion - would we go back to the RE we consulted with a year ago?  Is there some other type of doctor who specializes in things like RPL? 

Obviously, Jeff and I have a lot of things to talk about and a lot of decisions to make.  We went ahead and scheduled a D&C for this Friday.  So first we'll get through that and take things one step at a time from there.  God, I really don't want to be going through this again.  I wish someone could just put me to sleep and wake me up in a month when the hardest part of this, emotionally and physically, is over with. 

34 comments:

  1. Oh, sweetie. I am so so so sorry. This is so awful you have to go through this. Thinking of you tons!!!!! xoxox

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  2. Oh honey I'm so sorry. Such terrible news. Thoughts and prayers to you and hubby during this tough time.

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  3. i am so sorry!! my thoughts and prayers are with you and your husband during this time. ((HUGS))

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  4. I am so, so sorry. I feel physically ill for you. Major hugs and prayers.

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  5. I am tearing up for you sweetie. I am so very very sorry you are dealing with this again. It's not right and that's an under-exaggeration. I am just heartbroken for you.

    In my opinion, you could go see a Maternal Fetal Medicine doctor. They can do a RPL blood panel and check on some things for you that way. They could test your cardiac output to see if you have any underlying bloodpressure issues.

    And you may not want to hear this since you seem to be able to get pregnant with Clomid...but Ivf might be a good choice for diagnositc reasons. They can find out if you have egg quality issues that way and not only choose the best egg to transfer back to you, but test the eggs for chromosomal problems. It would end up being a 'weeding out' of sorts to find the best possible embryo. Sometimes a woman can have 10 embryos and only 2 of them are healthy. If there was a way to check the embryos before you get pregnant again (ivf) then you may have better odds.

    It's a lot to consider, I know. But I can't imagine you wanting to continue trying blindly. This is just so crappy.

    Let me know if you need anything and know that I am thinking of you.
    MissConception

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    1. I've been thinking the exact thing about IVF (even long before now). It's scary to think we may have to go down that road, but as you said, we certainly don't want to keep going at this blindly. Ugh, so much to think about. Thanks so much for your opinion and information.

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    2. Talk to an RE and ask if given your history, they would recommend this avenue. It's extreme I know...but there is no other way to know if something is causing these losses. They can look at your uterus pre-conception through an SHG as well.
      I just hate this is happening. I worte a post for you today and will be holding you in my heart tonight.

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  6. Oh, Jenny... I am so so sorry for yours and Jeff's impending loss. It is just beyond unfair that you have to go through it at all, let alone again.

    Please know that I'm thinking about you now and especially on Friday.

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  7. I'm do sorry you have to go through this again. It's not fair!

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  8. I am so so sorry hun!! My heart broke when I saw this post.

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  9. My heart goes out to you. I know the ache of miscarriage. When I hear of someone else going through it, I want to hold them so tightly and somehow make it better. I'm so sorry you are going through a third loss. Offering you long distance hugs from a fellow RPL mama, and prayers that you will find peace again.

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  10. Hi. You don't know me, but I've been following your blog for awhile. I wanted to tell you how sorry I am about your loss. I know that it is really, really difficult.

    My husband and I had three early pregnancy losses in the year we did fertility treatment. Like you, I have PCOS. We did get a chromosome test after our third loss... not because it would change anything but for our own piece of mind. We were really hurting and needing answers. My RE did a lot of other testing... thyroid, prolactin, DHEAS, blood sugars. I know that REs CAN try to work-up why recurrent miscarriages are happening. If yours isn't, it might be worth looking into a second opinion. We were never able to figure out why mine happened... other than a messed up luteal phase. My RE finally gave us the same advice about continuing to try. Which was the most frustrating advice ever...

    If it encourages you at all, we eventually did take home a healthy baby (it IS possible with PCOS!) on Letrozole/Femara (like Clomid, just a little different...) and progesterone.

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  11. I found you via Meier Madness on twitter. I am so, so sorry for your loss. Sending you lots of hugs.

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  12. Soo sorry for you and your family's loss. Thinking of you.

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  13. Try Maca and royal jelly. Also are you on metformin ? RESEARCH it ! Also PGD testing . We were doing that with this cycle but with only 5 fertilized eggs I was afraid taking them to blast testing then not having anything.
    Round one ivf not pregnant
    Round 2 FET got to 6 weeks
    Round 3 FET got to 9 weeks
    This time we did a full IVF again and we will transfer 3 this Thursday. I did MACA , Royal Jelly , made my own deodorant and tried to rescue any chemical in my body . Best of luck !! and Im so sorry for your loss

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  14. I'm here from Meier Madness - I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. I hope you find time to grieve and heal.

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  15. We both know that no words can take the pain away. I'm so sorry you and your husband have experienced this, once again. I will continue to pray for you--for peace--as you anticipate Friday, as you go through the D&C, and for peace as you try to get answers and figure out your next steps, and for comfort for your heart that has been ripped apart.

    As far as your next steps, we were on injectibles during this last pregnancy that we just lost. I don't know much about them, but they definitely didn't seem to help. I am meeting with my doctor at the end of the month for the follow up from the D&C. Since we both have PCOS and have had multiple losses, I'll let you know if our Dr. gives us any mind-blowing, incredible news that may help you.

    Hugs from Kansas, dear. Thinking of you, your husband, and your dear little ones often.

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    1. Thank you. I'll definitely be interested to see what your Dr. has to say and what his/her advice is for you, so keep me posted.

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  16. There is nothing I can say other than I am so so very sorry. I know the pain and heartache of losing that little angel that you so desperately want to hold.

    I also know that there is no right thing to say right now.

    All I can say is: you don't me and you are welcome to say anything you want to get it out. I am an ear and a sympathetic listener and I feel your pain.

    all my love!

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  17. I don't know you but your story has hit home to me. I just want you to know that I'm thinking of you and praying that you'll have strength and comfort during the difficult days ahead

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  18. I'm so, so very sorry. I'm no stranger to first trimester losses, I've had 2 miscarriages at around the 8-9 week point. I think the fact that took me to a much better place, to try to figure out what is happening, is that I tested, early, and aggressively. I had karyotyping done , I tested autoantibodies and I tested for PCOS.

    If you have PCOS, these are your risk factors
    -You are at increased risk for thyroid autoimmunity (will be covered in the RPL panel)
    -You are at increased risk for a vitamin D deficiency (see my blog for the many, many ways that a D3 deficiency can contribute to infertility/pregnancy loss)

    I 'kind' of had PCOS and the thyroid autoimmunity, which seems to be pretty common in women with PCOS. I never took metformin, but vitamin D helped me tremendously--see the below posts as to how.

    http://aboutplanb.blogspot.com/2012/02/another-post-on-amh-afc-and-vitamin-d.html

    http://aboutplanb.blogspot.com/2012/01/what-makes-for-good-eggs.html

    Even if you did not karyotype your last losses, you should try to karyotype this, because the biggest issue is in figuring out whether it is bad eggs (more prone to have genetic errors) or a hostile uterus. So what you need to do now, is karyotype (both yourself and the baby), run the full RPL panel and also throw in the Vitamin D3 test.

    Best of luck- trying to figure out what the hell is happening is the hardest part, and sometimes, you can never manage that, but we have to give it our best shot.

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  19. I know there is nothing anyone can say but I am truly sorry to hear of you loss. It's not fair.

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  20. I am so, so sorry for your loss. My heart broke to hear about all you have been through and now this third miscarriage. Your last sentence totally struck me and I can relate, having been through 2 m/cs. The first month is so, so hard. I hope the D&C goes as best as it can tomorrow. Take care.

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  21. I am so sorry to hear about your loss. There is so much unfairness going around right now. I hope you get some answers soon.

    Xoxo

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  22. I'm so so sorry for your loss. Big huge hugs.

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  23. Here from LFCA. Just wanted to say so sorry for what you are going through and I am thinking of you.

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  24. here from LFCA. As on RPL'er to another - I am so so sorry for your loss.

    mo

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  25. 3 losses is hard. I know, I have been there. My 3rd was by far my hardest loss, and I am still recovering from it. I honestly gave up all hope after it. Surprisingly though, I was able to pick myself back up again (eventually) and ttc. I am now 22 weeks pregnant with a baby girl. I would have never in a million years thought that this day would actually come, and it did. I just wanted you to know that there is hope, even when it seems like there isn't. I hope that you get your miracle soon, and that God gives you the strength to get through this. It takes A LOT of strength and courage, it takes time, but you will get the strength you need to keep fighting back. God bless you, your husband, and your 3 angels.

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  26. Hi i have just found ur blog and i am so sorry. i have been there and am now a mummy. i wish i could give you a hug. here ia a link to my blog about the treatment that gave me my rainbow baby. praying for you your husbabd and your 3 little angels.
    http://aifomu.blogspot.com.au/2011/04/recurrent-pregnancy-loss-recurrent.html
    take care

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  27. Here from LFCA. I am so sorry for your loss. I also endured my third loss last month. I don't have any wise words, but wanted you to know that you are not alone, and that you are in my thoughts.

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