I have come to an interesting realization. Ever since making my miscarriage known to people, I have noticed that those around me think that I am suppose to be overjoyed at others' pregnancy or baby related announcements and news. I think people assume that just because you are now trying to conceive and have babies on the brain, that any baby news is going to bring you joy. What they don't realize is that after you have suffered a miscarriage, others' baby news is the last thing you want to hear about. Yes, any child is a blessing from God and should be welcomed into the world with open arms. And yes, I am happy for those who are so blessed. However, it still stings. It stings a lot. Call me selfish if you will, but as happy as I am for others, I want my own.
I don't necessarily think it's the news itself that bothers me. I understand life goes on and people continue to procreate. I think what bothers me is the expectant look in people's eyes when they deliver the news. It's a look that says: "Isn't that the most wonderful news you have ever heard and aren't you just so over-the-moon happy for them/me?"
I also know, however, that when I am lucky enough to have my own I want others to be happy for me. I don't want people to cringe and turn their head the other way. I don't want people to make me feel guilty for being blessed with a child. But those are the kinds of responses I give to others. I feel guilty about my reaction afterwards, but in the moment it is the only way I know how to cope.
So my question is, how does one go about temporarily pushing their own grief aside in order to be happy for others?