I'll just start this post off by saying I'm a little mad. This is basically going to be nothing but a vent.
We have season tickets for our college football team, and every home game we tailgate with a few friends. The first home game this year I was just 8 weeks pregnant, but we decided to throw caution to the wind and go ahead and tell them we were expecting. And besides, I'm a bit of a lush and we knew it was going to be obvious anyway the second I refused a beer. So naturally, get a few women together, and the first two games it was all baby talk. How were we going to decorate the nursery? Were we going to find out the gender? Did we have any names picked out yet?
And then I miscarried.
This Saturday was the first game since the miscarriage. We made sure our friends had known about the miscarriage ahead of time so there wouldn't be the awkward - "where's your baby bump?" moment. One of the girls had called me this week to see how I was doing, and asked me about it again when we first met up (before the other couple had arrived yet). Then our other friends showed up. And the wife did not awknowledge the miscarriage at all. I did not get one simple "I'm sorry" out of her.
As the morning went on, I kept waiting for her to say something, and my blood pressure continued to rise with every minute that passed with her not saying anything. When we said our goodbyes and went our separate ways, I instantly started venting to Jeff. All he could say was "well, some people just don't know what to say in situations like that."
Is that really an acceptable excuse? Is it really okay for a 30-something year old woman (who has a child herself and should be able to guess what the pain of losing a child would feel like) to just not say anything to another woman who experienced a loss? I understand it's an uncomfortable situation, but in my opinion that is not a good enough excuse to not say anything. Those of us who have lost do no expect much. We don't expect flowers, cards, gifts. All we ask is for an "I'm sorry." A simple acknowledgement of a life that was lost. Is that really too much to ask?
I'm sure many of you have experienced the same thing, and I would love to hear your experiences and how you dealt with them.