Doing Well

I have to say I'm doing suprisingly well.  I almost feel guilty for admitting that.  For some reason this loss hasn't hit me as hard as the first one.  Maybe it's because I've been through it before and know what to expect?  Maybe it's because I was half-way bracing myself for this outcome throughout this whole pregnancy?  Maybe it's because I simply hate feeling sad and depressed, and have therefore refused to let myself feel that way?  Maybe it's because it's been confirmed twice now that we can get pregnant, and after the first loss I was worried it would be the one and only time we would even get pregnant? Whatever the reasons may be, I'm just grateful that I have been able to stay so strong about this. 

I went back to work today.  I ended up taking all of last week off, which, miscarriage or not, was a much needed break.  I made the mistake of going back to work 2 days after my D&C the first time, and cried the entire day.  I think being thrown back into the real world so quickly was way too hard for me, and so with this loss I decided to give myself that time and slowly ease back into the world.  It feels good to be back though.  It's nice to get back into a routine and have life feel normal again.

One thing I do know is I will not let infertility and pregnancy loss beat me.  I'm ready to fight this battle, no matter how long it takes and how hard I have to fight.  Bring it on suckers, because I will not let you win.  You can beat me down all you want, but I'm just going to get up that much stronger each time, ready to fight that much harder.