Monday, October 10, 2011

Doing Well

I have to say I'm doing suprisingly well.  I almost feel guilty for admitting that.  For some reason this loss hasn't hit me as hard as the first one.  Maybe it's because I've been through it before and know what to expect?  Maybe it's because I was half-way bracing myself for this outcome throughout this whole pregnancy?  Maybe it's because I simply hate feeling sad and depressed, and have therefore refused to let myself feel that way?  Maybe it's because it's been confirmed twice now that we can get pregnant, and after the first loss I was worried it would be the one and only time we would even get pregnant? Whatever the reasons may be, I'm just grateful that I have been able to stay so strong about this. 

I went back to work today.  I ended up taking all of last week off, which, miscarriage or not, was a much needed break.  I made the mistake of going back to work 2 days after my D&C the first time, and cried the entire day.  I think being thrown back into the real world so quickly was way too hard for me, and so with this loss I decided to give myself that time and slowly ease back into the world.  It feels good to be back though.  It's nice to get back into a routine and have life feel normal again.

One thing I do know is I will not let infertility and pregnancy loss beat me.  I'm ready to fight this battle, no matter how long it takes and how hard I have to fight.  Bring it on suckers, because I will not let you win.  You can beat me down all you want, but I'm just going to get up that much stronger each time, ready to fight that much harder.


  1. I am amazed at how strong you are- this can't be an easy thing to go through again, and you are really inspirational in how you're dealing with it. Sending a lot of love and support your way!

  2. I just found your blog and I love how positive you are. I am now feeling positive after my miscarriage in July.
    It sucks big time and its so unfair the pain and hurt that is causes but im with you!! Im not going to let it beat me either! We will bet it! Looking forward to following your blog!!

  3. You are so incredibly strong and brave. I know there may still be some tough days ahead. You and I have a similar pg history: I also have PCOS, I miscarried in March (9wk 4days)and then just had a chemical prg last cycle. I am on Clomid this cycle (after changing from Femara)and hoping this is my ticket. Thinking of you. So glad I found your blog.


  4. Hi, found your blog through Stirrup Queens and wanted to send you some support.

    I just lost my 20 week twins last week and felt the need to reach out to others who have felt loss recently.

    I am still in deep mourning but I too am not willing to give up. I wish you the best in your journey and hope you move on to having a healthy child very soon.