Yesterday was my first appointment with my new OB. I had an almost-hour long appointment first with the nurse to go over my history, etc. I think I made it pretty clear to her that I wasn't going to be walking out of there without some kind of confirmation that everything was still okay. She said they usually won't even attempt to look for a heartbeat with the dopplar until 12 weeks, but at the same time understood my need for reassurance.
After waiting for a little while, the OB came in and we talked about my history and stuff for a few minutes. Then he left so I could get undressed. When he came back he immediately pulled out the dopplar and said he usually doesn't like to use it this early, as it might be very unlikely to hear a heartbeat at this point, but he would go ahead and give it a try for me. He also said that he for sure wouldn't be able to tell if he was picking up two different heartbeats, or if it was the same one.
So he gave it a try, and we immediately heard the fast 'thump, thump, thump' of a heartbeat! He was only able to capture it for a few seconds before it disappeared. He then moved it around and found a spot where my heartbeat was coming through, to show me the difference at how much slower mine was. He then moved it around for what felt like 2 more minutes, and then found a heartbeat again (the second time was in a different spot than the first so I'm telling myself we picked it up from each one).
I'm so relieved he gave the dopplar a try, and I'm happy the little ones pulled through for me to tell me they were still there.
However....
While I anticipated walking out of there feeling awesome if I had a good appointment, instead I feel really indifferent about it all and I'm not sure why. Maybe it's because I didn't actually see anything with my own eyes it's still hard to believe there are two babies in there growing away like they should. Maybe it's because I know we still have many more hurdles and milestones to cross before I can let myself truly relax and get excited. Or maybe it's because I keep expecting to receive bad news and when I don't, I simply don't know how to react...
I thought for sure that many doctors liked to check for the heart beat much sooner than 12 weeks.
ReplyDeleteMine won't check until 12 weeks either! Glad you had a good appt!
ReplyDeleteThis is why getting to go to the OB is both awesome (graduating) but also hard because they just don't understand our need for this confirmation knowledge. I'm glad you at least got a doppler. I know it's not as confirming as a U/S would be but at least it's something. You know at least one of them is holding on, and that means something. ((hugs))
ReplyDeleteIt's so scary in the beginning to just enjoy things- Sending you lots of prayers and HUGS!
ReplyDeleteI had the exact same feelings after each of my first trimester appointments: I kept expecting to feel reassured at the appointments that took us further away from the dates we had lost our other pregnancies (furthest loss was at 10 weeks). But even at the 10 week and 12 appointments for this pregnancy, it confused me that I would leave feeling almost worse than before, when I had expected just the opposite to happen. My husband was the one who wisely figured out why that was. He said, "Well, the further along we get, the higher the stakes get, which makes it even scarier." He was right, and I hadn't even thought of that. While it IS reassuring that the baby is doing well, the bigger it gets, the more we have to lose, right? I am STILL struggling with this at 24 weeks! In my mind, it's hard to not just expect to lose this baby too, and now that he's so far along it's even more terrifying! But we just have to take it one day at a time, right? :) And for today, you heard those lovely heartbeats which is great news! Hugs to you.
ReplyDeleteI totally know what you mean about feeling a bit indifferent. It's our way of protection in the face of uncertainty. I held off attachment for quite some time and I know you will come around when you are ready.
ReplyDeleteGlad to hear you were able to catch the little one's heartbeats.
I am in my 19th week with our twins...the emotions are a real factor of a twin pregnancy. Just take care of you, eat, rest, exercise...that's all you can do. The rest is out of your control. There will always be something to worry about. Try and enjoy every minute of this because you've been through so much and waited so long for this.
ReplyDeletei'm so glad he was willing to try anyways. and am glad you heard what you think was both heartbeats. i won't stop praying and will continue to be faithful. <3
ReplyDeletesending love your way, jenny!
xoxox
maria
That is great! I can totally understand your feelings, in a different way of course. I think with twins you tend to worry a bit more too. I wish I would have enjoyed the ride more. Think positive. You have two little strong ones in there that made themselves heard today. Take care, Jenny!
ReplyDeleteTo have had 3 miscarriages, I know exactly what you felt during that stage of your pregnancy. But you must be that excited as well to have found out you were about to have not just one, but TWINS; not everyone is given the opportunity to bear twins. Anyway, like I said, I understand why you're so emotional. It's normal to have emotional outburst, mood swings, etc. while pregnant. But worrying will get you nowhere, and would actually be harmful for the baby -- soon-to-be mommies out there, I hope you can read this.
ReplyDelete-Elli Degennaro @ CentennialObgynPA