Before I get into talking about myself, I want to ask you all to take a moment to send some thoughts (and prayers if you're the praying type) to Maria and her husband. They found out this week they are miscarrying for the 7th time. My heart hurts for them. I've never met her in person, but I can tell she has a very kind and compassionate soul, and it makes me so sad and angry that she has to go through this yet again. I don't think I'll ever understand why this has to happen.....
Aside from that, here's where my head has been this week.
Monday I woke up to a temp rise and here were my thoughts.
'Huh, I must have ovulated. Yay for my body half-way cooperating. <ensue panic> Holy crap! That means we'll be starting this rollercoaster all over again in just a couple weeks. I'm not ready for this yet. It's too soon. I thought I'd have several more weeks before I had to start thinking about this stuff again. What about my summer plans of enjoying ice cold beverages with Jeff?'
Then Tuesday morning I woke up and my temp had dropped back down to where it has been for the last month.
'Damn you, stupid body for playing tricks on me.'
I was in a horrible mood all day. My shoulders and back were tense and I was just overall feeling very stressed.
And then I realized something.
This feeling I was experiencing was disappointment.
Which can only mean one thing. I AM ready afterall.
All it took was having that hope so quickly taken back away from me to realize how much I do truly want this. Yes, it's a little bit scary. But I'm excited for what our future holds.
And with that, my temp has gone back up and stayed up for the last 2 days now. So who knows what's going on with my wonky body. Time will only tell. Until then, I'll do my best to be patient.
Patience is hard with all of this, isn't it? I hope your body quits playing tricks and just cooperates!
ReplyDeleteOh Jenny, thank you so very much for keeping such faith for Steve and I. It truly means so so much to me always. I'm so emotional right now (and always) and your words have brightened my very long night ahead. Thank you, dear friend. Thank you!
ReplyDeleteYour post made me cry a few times. Bc it is so evident how ready you are to take on this journey with courage and strength. It is seeping though your words how bad you want this. You are inspiring. And I hope and pray that all good things are on their way to you and your husband.
I wish you a wonderful weekend and will be thinking about you.
Thank you for thinking of us.
Tons of love being sent your way
Xoxox
Maria
That is so sweet of you to include Maria in your post. She really is one of the greatest people I have ever met, even though I too haven't met her in person. It is just so hard to hear that she is going through this again.
ReplyDeleteI think it's great that you want this so bad, and that your temps went back up. I can't think of anything in the world that any woman would want more than being a Mommy. However, there are some of us, who have to fight so much harder for it. Hoping you get your dreams soon!
<3