All Ours!

Several months ago I was watching an episode of Teen Mom (sorry, I'm embarrassed to say it's one of my guilty pleasures) and there was a scene where the teen mom brought her baby home from the hospital.  They got home, sat down, and she looked to her mom and said "What should I do with him now?"  And her mom responded, "You can do whatever you want with him - he's all yours!"  I just remember thinking that was a really neat thought and a neat way of looking at having a new baby.  Now that I'm pregnant, I have found myself thinking that same thing a lot.

For example, we have the NT scan next Monday, and then another OB appointment on Wednesday.  I keep thinking if all goes well, it would be fun for Jeff and I to celebrate by going shopping and purchasing our first item for the baby.  And then I find myself stopping and saying to myself, "But wait, are we allowed to do that?  Is it okay for us to start buying stuff for the baby now, or is it still too early?"  And then I think back to that Teen Mom episode and remind myself, it's our baby, we can do whatever we want!

And the same thing goes for the baby's room.  I keep thinking that after we find out the gender we will start decorating the baby's room.  And then I stop and think, "Well maybe starting that at 20 weeks is too soon?  It it stupid to start decorating that early?  Maybe we should wait until after the first of the year, is that a more appropriate time to start that?"  And then I remember, it's our baby, we can do whatever we want!

I don't know, it's just a really strange feeling.  Thinking about these things seems to put it all in perspective.  We are going to be parents to this child, and everything regarding the care of him/her is going to be our responsiblity.  And as scary as that thought is sometimes, it's also a great feeling to know that we are going to be able to care for him/her however we feel best.  We are going to be able to do whatever fun things we've alway dreamed about doing with him/her.  And why?  Because he/she will be all ours!

Update on NT Scan

I guess I ended up creating a lot of unnecessary drama last week over our scheduled NT scan.  It turns out Jeff won't be able to get off work next week, so we ended up rescheduling for the following week.  It will now be October 3rd.  I feel much better about this.  Not so much because of what the date of 9/26 means for us, but mostly because I would have been 11w0d on the 26th, which I thought seemed a bit early to do the scan.  Now I'll be 12w0d.  I can't wait to see our little one again!

Double Digits

I'm 10 weeks pregnant today.  This is a huge milestone for me, as we found out about the miscarriage at 9w6d last time.  As each day and week passes, I start to feel a little more confident that this will be our takehome baby.  Our next prenatal appointment isn't for a couple more weeks, but our NT scan is a week from today. 

At first I really didn't want to do the screening.  Mostly because I just didn't want to face any decisions that could come our way depending on the results, and mostly because I'm almost certain I wouldn't terminate based on results of possible further diagnostic testing.  However, Jeff was all for the screening.  He's pretty confident that everything will be fine and just wants that peace of mind.  And if something does come up, he'd rather be able to prepare sooner rather than later.  So, mostly for the sake of Jeff, I agreed to do the screening. 

I had to call my ob/gyn's office last week to get the appointment set up.  It needs to be done at another facility, and the nurse said she had to fax some information over and they would then let her know when the appointment would be, and she would call me back and let me know.  When she called back and told me it's scheduled for 9/26, my heart stopped.  9/26 is Jeff and I's wedding anniversary.  9/26 also would have been our due date if our little one before hadn't left us so soon.  I feel like our anniversary will forever be tainted by our loss, and I really don't want to add one more negative thing to it.  However, after expelling my panic attack on the message board I regularly post on, the ladies there gave me so much encouragement.  One awesome lady in particular said it was our angel baby's way of being a part it and looking out for his/her brother or sister.  I still cry as I type those words.  

So, I'm stepping outside of my box and being positive for once.  I really do feel in my heart like everything is fine, and will continue to be fine, and I just need to hold onto that.