Monday, September 19, 2011

Double Digits

I'm 10 weeks pregnant today.  This is a huge milestone for me, as we found out about the miscarriage at 9w6d last time.  As each day and week passes, I start to feel a little more confident that this will be our takehome baby.  Our next prenatal appointment isn't for a couple more weeks, but our NT scan is a week from today. 

At first I really didn't want to do the screening.  Mostly because I just didn't want to face any decisions that could come our way depending on the results, and mostly because I'm almost certain I wouldn't terminate based on results of possible further diagnostic testing.  However, Jeff was all for the screening.  He's pretty confident that everything will be fine and just wants that peace of mind.  And if something does come up, he'd rather be able to prepare sooner rather than later.  So, mostly for the sake of Jeff, I agreed to do the screening. 

I had to call my ob/gyn's office last week to get the appointment set up.  It needs to be done at another facility, and the nurse said she had to fax some information over and they would then let her know when the appointment would be, and she would call me back and let me know.  When she called back and told me it's scheduled for 9/26, my heart stopped.  9/26 is Jeff and I's wedding anniversary.  9/26 also would have been our due date if our little one before hadn't left us so soon.  I feel like our anniversary will forever be tainted by our loss, and I really don't want to add one more negative thing to it.  However, after expelling my panic attack on the message board I regularly post on, the ladies there gave me so much encouragement.  One awesome lady in particular said it was our angel baby's way of being a part it and looking out for his/her brother or sister.  I still cry as I type those words.  

So, I'm stepping outside of my box and being positive for once.  I really do feel in my heart like everything is fine, and will continue to be fine, and I just need to hold onto that. 

No comments:

Post a Comment