4-6 Months

Wow!  I know I've been busy and have had zero time to blog (excuses, excuses, I know) but I had no idea it's been this long!  Where has the time gone?!  Life has been busy, not only with the twins but with work.  A couple weeks before they were born I got a promotion at work to a supervisor position.  So I didn't have much time to get settled with that before I had to be off for three months.  So not only was I busy with learning that new job once I came back to work, but to add to it another supervisor quit a few weeks ago and I absorbed her duties and staff.  So yeah, I have zero free time now.  

But, I feel like I at least owe you all a few moments for a photo dump:

(love this one, they look like Besties!)

(picking on her brother, as usual)

So what are the twins up to?  Alexis is rolling around like crazy.  It amazes me how she starts off in one spot on the floor and end up halfway across the room, just from rolling around.  She also does the same in her crib, which I think is the cutest thing ever.  Chase still doesn't have much interest in working too hard (typical man ;)).  He can sit up pretty well, but doesn't seem close to rolling yet. 

Alexis has started sleeping through the night for the most part.  There are nights here and there where she will wake up to eat, but not often.  Chase still needs his middle of the night feeding.  That boy needs to start taking some lessons from his sister because mommy is tired!

We've started them on solids a little bit, but haven't been very consistent with it.  Mostly because (TMI alert) they end up getting constipated after a few days so then we stop to give their body a chance to clear out.  They have their 6 month check up next week so I plan on getting some more guidance from their pediatrician on what we should be doing with solids. 

Other than that not much is new in our world.  I love watching them grow and start to be more interactive, both with us and with each other.  I still can't wait for the day when they can crawl around on the floor together and play. 

I hope you are all doing well!  Not only have I been bad at keeping my own blog up to date, I haven't even had time to read any of yours.  Adding that to my to-do list this week! 

3 Months

Happy 3 months my little chunksters!

(look at those bellies!)

I can't believe 3 months have gone by already.  It's amazing to think back to their time in the NICU and to see how far they have come in such a short amount of time.  They had a weight check yesterday and apparently we must be doing something right because they continue to pack on the pounds! 

Miss Alexis weighed in at a whopping 13 pounds.

And Brother wasn't far behind at 12lb, 7oz.

Hmmm, how have they changed in the last month?  Their cries have recently changed.  Alexis' has turned to an almost fake, attention-getting cry and we laugh every time she does it.  Brother Bear's cry has gotten louder and more forceful and is just...well, different.  Luckily they are still generally pretty happy babies and we don't get to hear their cries too often.

It's pretty easy to get Alexis to smile now, and what a great smile she has.  I find myself saying and doing the most stupid things to get a smile out of her.  Chase is the more serious baby and it's a little harder to pull a smile out from him.  But when he does smile, it's a big one.  Just in the last couple days I've found that kissing his nose gets him to show me one :)  Alexis has also started cooing a little as well, which is pretty cute.

I think they are starting to become a little more aware of each other.  Chase would not take his eyes off of Alexis at their appointment yesterday, which was pretty cute.  I still think she is going to be the leader and he the follower.  My mom puts it perfectly when she says that in a few years Alexis will be all "come on Chase, let's go play Barbies!" and he'll be like "okaaay" and off they'll go... :) 

(both have also figured out how to kick their legs and love to show it off)



Naive

Well, I promised I would be around more now that I'm back to work, so I better follow through.  One post I've been circling around in my head for quite some time, is how completely naive I was about different aspects of this whole parenthood thing.

Breastfeeding
I took a class offered through our hospital, I read all the books, I watched online videos of other twin mothers demonstrating how they tandem breastfed their twins, and I observed my sister-in-law breastfeeding my niece last Spring.  And I thought it all sounded easy enough.  Sure, learning how to tandem breastfeed them would be a little difficult at first, but everyone else made it look so simple.  I was committed to doing this.  I would have all the time in the world while on maternity leave to figure it all out and make it work, right?

Fast forward to the babies arriving five weeks early.  I was still committed.  While they were in the NICU for two weeks, I faithfully pumped to provide them with my milk.  Since I still wasn't producing enough at that time for both of them to soley have my milk, we supplemented with donor milk.  I was quickly seeing how tiring and grueling this pumping schedule was going to be in order to produce a decent amount.  However, it was my only way at the time to feel like I was doing something for them - taking care of them in some way - and so I kept up with it.  And then....the babies came home.  Alexis came home two days before Chase, and I still continued my pumping schedule fairly well.  But the day Chase came home was a whole other story.  I just stopped, cold turkey.  And not on purpose either.  I was literally so busy taking care of two babies that I completely forgot to pump.  An entire day went by before I realized it.  To add to it, I was having issues getting my new pump to work (I had been using a loaner pump from the hospital until they were discharged).  So basically a couple of days went by before I was able to figure it out.  And by then I figured my supply was completely messed up - and it just wasn't in my heart to continue at that point anyway - and so I stopped.  I could clearly see I simply wasn't going to have the time to do this, and bottle feeding with formula would be so much easier. 

Do I still feel guilty for giving up so quickly?  Sometimes, yes.  But I can't say I fully regret my decision to stop.  With formula feeding, Jeff has been able to help with feedings.  And I honestly don't know where I would find the time during the day (and night) to pump anyway.  Have I mentioned taking care of twins is a lot of work?!  Which brings me to my next subject...

This s$!# is hard!
Oh my God....why doesn't anyone tell you it's going to be this hard??  Seriously.  Those sleepless nights in the first weeks were absolutely grueling.  GRUELING.  I swear we were both zombies for the first month.  I never knew sleep deprivation could feel that terrible.  And I have to laugh at people when they say "just sleep when the babies sleep!"  If I hear that one more time from someone, I'm literally going to punch them in the nose.  Because, how in the heck do you nap when, inevitably, one of them always wakes up the second you even think about lying down to rest?  Babies' nap time for me = time to clean bottles. 

Maternity Leave
Not at all what I had always envisioned it to be like.  I envisioned these calm, relaxing days of taking long stroller walks outside, sleeping in, napping all day, watching all kinds of good stuff on TV, visiting my coworkers often because I'd have all this free time, getting my house cleaned top to bottom while babies slept peacefully for hours at a time, going shopping several times a week and buying all kinds of cute baby outfits, going out to lunch at least once a week with Jeff.  I could go on but I'll stop as I'm sure you are getting the idea.  And if you are already a mother, I'm sure you are laughing right now.  Why?  Because you already know what I found out over the last 12 weeks.  Taking care of babies is hard work!  Wake up call Jenny:  your maternity leave is not a vacation, it's time to bond with and take care of these little creatures that need constant attention. And as you can probably guess I was able to do zero of the above-mentioned items. 
   
Marriage
This is the one thing I was/am the most taken aback by.  Jeff and I have always made a great team.  Great team.  When my parents work on project together, much yelling from my dad always ensues.  But not us.  Jeff is a super patient person, and I've always prided myself on how well we work together.  I thought the awesome teamwork would only spill over once we had kids.  Boy was I wrong.  We have fought more with each other in these last 3 months than we have over the course of the last 7 years.  I don't know how many times I said to people that we'll be lucky if we're still married by the time the twins turn one.  And I meant it.  I can't tell you how many times I have cried over that thought.  How sad would it be, that the one thing we've been working so hard for over these last few years, would ultimately be the one thing that drives us apart? ;( 

I would say the biggest thing we have fought over comes down to Jeff not realizing that they are our priority now.  It's not about me, it's not about him, it's not about us as a couple.  It's about these two little human beings that need all of our attention right now.  He would still think it was okay to go spend his entire evening down in the basement on the computer, and leave me alone with two fussy babies after I had been alone with them all day.  He would still get the luxury of taking two long hot showers every day, while I was lucky if I even got one quick one in.  He would think that just because he had a stressful day at work and was up half the night the night before, that he was entitled to nap all evening while I took care of them.  I know if we just had one baby I would be okay with a lot of this stuff and let it slide, but with two babies I need his help.

And Now
Just like everyone says, it DOES start to get easier.  Jeff and I have been much nicer to each other over the last couple weeks.  By now I think we have gotten use to the sleep deprivation.  The babies are starting to sleep for longer stretches (Alexis is our rockstar and has been going ~6-7 hours for the first stretch at night. Chase is still only doing 3-4 hours stretches, but I suspect as he gains a little more weight he should follow in his sister's steps).  I feel like we still have a ways to go before the good parts outweigh the tough ones, but those early days are already becoming a distant memory. 

And...I now finally feel that if you check in with us on January 27, 2014 we will still be married and going strong :)

2 Months

Wow, can I just say life with twin babies is crazy hectic?!  They are almost 3 months old and I'm just now getting around to posting their two month photos:

At their 2 month appointment (at which they were actually 10 weeks old), Alexis weighed in at 11 lb, 6 oz and Chase weighed 10 lb, 14 oz.  They are doing very well.  They are eating 4 oz of formula about every 3-4 hours.  I'm still waiting for longer stretches of sleep at night to happen.  I think this will probably come a little later since they were 5 weeks early, but a girl can dream though, right?!

Today is my first day back to work after 12 weeks off.  Is it bad to say it actually feels kind of good?  I took them to daycare last week, so I think I got most of the crying out of my system then.  It's nice to be around adults again, to get off the couch and out of the house, and to have a little bit of "me" time back. 

I have had several topics I have wanted to write about over the last few months, but alas have had zero time to make it to the computer to write about.  Now that I'll hopefully have a little more free time I plan to do that.  But for now, I'll have to leave you with a little photo dump.

(Happy Easter!)

(bathtime fun with Alexis)

(bathtime fun with Chase)

(I think I scare them, lol)

A 3 month post is soon to follow!





One Month

The twins are now 5, going on 6, weeks old.  They say this time goes by so fast, and it truly does.  At their appointment this week, Chase was up to 7lb, 10oz and Alexis was 7lb, 12oz.  It's funny how they weigh pretty much the same, but for some reason she looks so much bigger.  I attribute it to Chase always wanting to be scrunched up, and therefore doesn't look as long. 

I'd like to say the sleep deprivation has gotten better, but it really hasn't.  I've just become more use to it at this point.  It also helps that Jeff and I decided we need to start being nicer to each other during those wee morning hours.  Can't say it always happens, but we're trying.... 

I don't have much to write about as far as milestones go.  The babies are still pretty much just sleeping, waking about every 3 hours to eat.  They do have times where they are awake for a period of time, but nothing consistent.  I'm still at a loss as to what to do with them when they are awake.  I put them under their play gym, talk to them, and do tummy time.  I feel like I should be doing more, which makes my insecurites as a mother creep in already.

One thing we are struggling with right now is Alexis' acid reflux.  She has this "episodes" where she arches her back, foams at the mouth, and cries in pain.  They only last for a couple minutes, and she only has them maybe once or twice a day, but they scare the crap out of me because she always appears that she is choking/can't catch her breath.  Luckily I've always been there to pick her up and pat her on the back to try and help her.  The pediatrician swears up and down there is no way she can choke.  However, it still makes it hard for me to sleep at night - I'm scared to death of taking my eyes off her for one minute.  The babies sleep in their Rock 'n Plays right beside my side of the bed so for now I'm okay sleeping because I can hear if she starts doing this.  However, we feel like we need to start transitioning them to either their cribs or Pack 'n Play, and I'm reluctant to do so until we get this reflux under control.  We started her on Zantac last Monday, but it doesn't seem to have helped.  The pediatrician said to give it two weeks to kick in, and if it still isn't working she will switch her to Prevacid.  It's so frustrating though having one more thing to worry about.

poor guy always seems to end up wrapped in pink or purple :)



 
Other than that we're doing well.  I will admit being home with them all day long gets pretty tiring and makes for some long days.  I hope this doesn't make me sound like a horrible mother, but I don't think I'll be too upset when it comes time to go back to work.  I miss interaction with adults and feel like I'm so out of touch with the real world at the moment.  It would help if it was summer and warm outside so that we could get out for walks.  I have decided that I need to force myself to start getting out - at least to walk around the mall or something.  I've been too scared to venture out by myself with them, but know the more I do it the less scary it will be.  So that's my goal from here forth - to get out and go somewhere at least a couple times a week.

That's it for now - I'll leave you with more photos:

my handsome little guy

Bathtime fun!

seriously, these rock 'n plays are a Godsend

Two Weeks At Home

Holy moly, how our lives have changed in these last few weeks.  The twins have been home for 2 weeks now, and our lives now consist of feeding, changing diapers, and trying to squeeze in any minute of sleep here and there that we possibly can.  Shame on every parent out there for keeping this sleep deprivation thing a secret from the rest of us unsuspecting soon-to-be parents.  I know, I know, you always hear people say how tiring taking care of a baby is.  But I never dreamed it would be this bad.  Jeff and I walk around our house like zombies.  We can't even carry on a conversation anymore because we are so tired.  But....

looking at these faces every day makes it all so worth it.

Miss Alexis:

You are going to be our little diva.  When you wake up you want your food, and you want it NOW.  I laugh every single time I feed you because your rooting is out of this world.  You search for anything and everything you can find to suck on until that bottle hits your lips.  You are also Miss Independent.  While you do still love to cuddle, you are also okay with being left alone to get your beauty sleep.  You already bring me so much joy, and I can't wait to see what kind of little girl you grow up to be.


Chase:

 

As you can see, you make the cutest faces.  I know it's involuntary at this point, but you have the best smile - it melts my heart every time.  You are pretty easy-going, although you seem to have found your voice in the last few days.  I think you have taken cues from your sister and decided you don't want to patiently wait for your food anymore, and loudly tell us when it's your time as well.  You love to cuddle, and mama wishes she had more time to do so with you. 

 

Since time is limited I'll have to settle for a photo dump:

 

(Everyone is ready to go home!)

 

(We're bustin' outta this joint)

 

(these Rock 'N Plays have been a lifesaver.  If you are considering getting one, I highly recommend it)

 

 

They're Here!

Phew - what a week it has been....

The twins decided to make their grand appearance 5 weeks early.  Last Sunday (1/27) my water broke shortly before 4:30am.  I frantically showered and packed my hospital bag (side note:  when people say to prepare early when you are pregnant with twins - do it!!) and we got to the hospital around 6:00.  They confirmed my water did break, and I was 3cm dilated, but contractions weren't registering on the monitors yet.  Then we had the choice to make: vaginal delivery or c-section.  After many doctors talked over the risks of each, we decided a breech extraction with twin B just sounded to terrifying, and opted for the c-section.

Chase and Alexis were born shortly before 11:00am.  Chase weighed in at 5lb, and Alexis was 4lb, 8oz.   They were both immediately taken to the NICU as both were having some trouble breathing.  Alexis ended up not needing any help with breathing and was left on room air.  Chase ended up needing to be on a CPAP, but that was taken out a couple days later as he really didn't need it either.

Both babes are still in the NICU, and what a tiring experience that has been.  Neither one have any health issues - they just need to gain weight and take all of their feedings by bottle before they can go home.  Alexis is doing much better in this department, and it looks like she's not too far off from going home.  Unfortunately Chase has steadily been losing weight and gets so tired drinking from his bottle that he tuckers out and falls asleep halfway through.  Yesterday they decided to cut back on the amount of times they/we try to feed him by bottle (and just feed him through his NG tube) so that he can get more rest and start gaining some weight. 

Leaving my babies behind every night to go home and sleep is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.  I'm even more upset now that they likely will not be going home together and little Chase is going to be left behind.  It absolutely breaks my heart.  I keep trying to tell myself this will all be over soon, and they are in the best place they need to be.  It's just so heart-wrenching when they have been with me every second of every day for 8 months, and then suddenly we have to be apart. 

Did I mention these post-partum hormones are torturous? :)

I apologize about the quality of pics I have to show you, it's been so crazy I haven't even had to a chance to get some good, and more recent, shots of them.  I promise there will be many more to come!

Meet Chase:

(this was shortly after he was taken off the cpap and his NG tube was still through his mouth instead of nose - he looks so much more comfortable now)

 

 

Meet Alexis:

 



My One and Only Complaint Post

Even infertiles and those with multiple losses are allowed one pregnancy complaint post, right?  Okay, well here's mine.

This is getting hard.  Like, really hard.  Like, really, really hard.  A month ago I was laughing this pregnancy in the face at how easy this pregnancy had been.  I would read other moms of multiples posts about how hard it was and took such a toll on their body.  A month ago I was still feeling pretty good and didn't think that would happen to me.  I was wrong.  Dead wrong.

I've gotten to the point where I feel like I can't do anything.  Standing on my feet for more than 5 minutes kills my back, feet, and any other body part you could think of.  Unfortunately, I can't just lay around all day.  I still need to get up, get ready for work, make dinner (sometimes), and make sure the dishes don't pile up too high. 

Jeff and I went to the mall last weekend and I became THAT woman.  You know the one - the fat, pregnant woman who needs to stop and sit down for a few minutes and rest because walking through the mall wipes her out that much.  Embarrassing.  I told Jeff that was our last trip to the mall until these kiddos get here.  And I meant it. 

Oh, and aside from the aches, pains, swelling and fatigue, sleep has become a total joke.  I'm lucky if I get a few hours worth of sleep at night.  My pattern lately has been:  get a couple hours of sleep, wake up having to pee and being super uncomfortable in bed, somehow mange to roll myself out of bed and hit the bathroom, proceed to the recliner and bundle up in blankets, and sit there.  And sit.  And sit.  If I'm lucky I'll fall back asleep there for another couple hours until the alarm finally goes off.  Last night took the cake though - a whole 30 minutes of sleep was had between 1:00am and 6:00am.  Good times.

I've also gone into full panic mode the last couple days and have realized there is still SO much left to do.  All of a sudden I feel so unprepared.  I had a dream the other night that I went into labor and my hospital bag wasn't packed and my camera battery wasn't charged.  Cue panic immediately upon waking the next morning. 

The crummy thing is though that I have no energy to get anything done that needs to be done.  And now I'm kicking myself for waiting this long to do it.  I guess that's what being pregnant after 3 losses does to a person.  It turns their procrastination switch on full blast.  Why plan too far ahead when you don't feel like you have a guarantee that everything will ultimately be okay? 

I know everything will work out.  Babies don't need much in the beginning, and Target is just a few minutes away if we do forget anything.  And I know all the pains are going to be worth it the second these babies come into this world.  I'm getting really anxious to meet them - which I'm sure is partly to do with how I'm feeling.  I'm keeping my fingers crossed that my doctor will at least discuss an induction date at my appointment next week.  I feel like unless I have a final end date in mind, these last few weeks are going to drag on and feel neverending.  A date on the calendar would give me something to look forward to, and to know that this isn't going to last forever. 

In an effort to try not to be a complete Negative Nancy I try to look for the positive, and last night I found it.  Laying awake half the night gives me that many more hours in the day to feel these little ones movin' and shakin' in there :)



 

Shower

I apologize for being absent the last few weeks.  All is still well, I just haven't been able to muster up the energy in the evenings to come down to the computer and write a post (I really need to catch up with the 21st Century and get a laptop).  But tonight I have a little surge of energy, and am getting some laundry done and finally getting some photos uploaded to the computer. 

My shower was this past weekend, hosted by my mom and Jeff's sister.  They did a really great job!  It was a "Two Peas in a Pod" theme, and turned out really cute.  We just had it at our house, in our basement.  It was a central location for everyone that came, and I'm secretly relieved I didn't have to travel.  I've read on multiples message boards that you should have your shower sooner rather than later because of how exhausting it can be, and I can see why.  33 weeks probably wasn't the ideal time, but the holidays interfered with having it any sooner.  But, I survived, had fun, and received a lot of great stuff for the babes!

(the cupcakes were seriously too cute to eat)

 

 

 

In other baby news, I had an appointment this week and everything went well.  The growth ultrasound has Baby Girl's weight estimated at 4lb, 7oz and Baby Boy's weight at 4lb, 11oz.  I'm always amazed how much they grow from month to month.  It makes me feel relieved at this point that they are at a good weight if something were to happen.  My doctor decided for me to start having weekly NSTs from here on out, and everything checked out well with my first one this week.  I wish I had known that ahead of time and brought a book along with me.  It made for a pretty boring 45 minutes! 

 

Still no talk of a specific induction date.  He didn't bring it up, and I didn't ask.  I will for sure ask him when I see him again - I'm getting anxious to meet these little ones!

 

I'll leave you with my 32 week bump pic.  I have to say I'm starting to feel like a huge beached whale.  I don't think I look that bad until I see a picture of myself and then I cringe a little.  I'm starting to think everyone is lying to me and just trying to be nice when they say how great I look :) 

 

More ramblings to come soon....I promise.