Even infertiles and those with multiple losses are allowed one pregnancy complaint post, right? Okay, well here's mine.
This is getting hard. Like, really hard. Like, really, really hard. A month ago I was laughing this pregnancy in the face at how easy this pregnancy had been. I would read other moms of multiples posts about how hard it was and took such a toll on their body. A month ago I was still feeling pretty good and didn't think that would happen to me. I was wrong. Dead wrong.
I've gotten to the point where I feel like I can't do anything. Standing on my feet for more than 5 minutes kills my back, feet, and any other body part you could think of. Unfortunately, I can't just lay around all day. I still need to get up, get ready for work, make dinner (sometimes), and make sure the dishes don't pile up too high.
Jeff and I went to the mall last weekend and I became THAT woman. You know the one - the fat, pregnant woman who needs to stop and sit down for a few minutes and rest because walking through the mall wipes her out that much. Embarrassing. I told Jeff that was our last trip to the mall until these kiddos get here. And I meant it.
Oh, and aside from the aches, pains, swelling and fatigue, sleep has become a total joke. I'm lucky if I get a few hours worth of sleep at night. My pattern lately has been: get a couple hours of sleep, wake up having to pee and being super uncomfortable in bed, somehow mange to roll myself out of bed and hit the bathroom, proceed to the recliner and bundle up in blankets, and sit there. And sit. And sit. If I'm lucky I'll fall back asleep there for another couple hours until the alarm finally goes off. Last night took the cake though - a whole 30 minutes of sleep was had between 1:00am and 6:00am. Good times.
I've also gone into full panic mode the last couple days and have realized there is still SO much left to do. All of a sudden I feel so unprepared. I had a dream the other night that I went into labor and my hospital bag wasn't packed and my camera battery wasn't charged. Cue panic immediately upon waking the next morning.
The crummy thing is though that I have no energy to get anything done that needs to be done. And now I'm kicking myself for waiting this long to do it. I guess that's what being pregnant after 3 losses does to a person. It turns their procrastination switch on full blast. Why plan too far ahead when you don't feel like you have a guarantee that everything will ultimately be okay?
I know everything will work out. Babies don't need much in the beginning, and Target is just a few minutes away if we do forget anything. And I know all the pains are going to be worth it the second these babies come into this world. I'm getting really anxious to meet them - which I'm sure is partly to do with how I'm feeling. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that my doctor will at least discuss an induction date at my appointment next week. I feel like unless I have a final end date in mind, these last few weeks are going to drag on and feel neverending. A date on the calendar would give me something to look forward to, and to know that this isn't going to last forever.
In an effort to try not to be a complete Negative Nancy I try to look for the positive, and last night I found it. Laying awake half the night gives me that many more hours in the day to feel these little ones movin' and shakin' in there :)