Friday, April 22, 2011

Getting Cold Feet

At the time of my D&C, Dr. C. was already talking about when we could start trying again.  Much to my surprise she said we only had to wait this one cycle, and once I got my period we could start trying again.  On average, women should get their period about 4-6 weeks after a miscarriage.  However, with my history of long cycles Dr. C. said if we made it to the eight week mark and no period, she would prescribe Provera to induce one.  At the time I couldn't even imagine what my life would look like eight weeks from then.  Having to wait eight weeks seemed like an eternity.  I mean, eight weeks: that's two whole months!  Of course I was mourning the loss of our baby, but at the same time very eager to start trying again. 

Well, this coming Tuesday marks eight weeks and I haven't even ovulated yet.  The last two months have flown by and I can't believe we're closing in on time to start trying again.  At this point I'm very undecided as to whether or not I want to call for the prescription.  As soon as my period starts, I'll be starting Clomid a few days later, and we'll officially be actively trying again.  It's crazy to think there's a possiblity that I could be pregnant again a month from now.  One one hand I want to call for the Provera and get started.  On the other hand, I want to let nature takes it's course and wait until my body ovulates, and in turn has a period, on it's own.  Maybe I'm putting too much faith in my own body, but deep down I feel like she can do it! 

If I'm being honest with myself though, I'm avoiding making that call because I'm scared.  Once we start trying again, it opens up all sorts of possibilities.  Once we start trying it opens up the possiblity that my body may not ovulate despite the help of Clomid.  It opens up the possibility of the disappointment and heartache of negative pregnancy tests.  Even worse, it opens up the possiblity of getting that elusive positive pregnancy test, only to miscarry again and lose yet another baby. 

1 comment:

  1. Not that I know from personal experience but I imagine that the first step back into the game is a daunting one. In talking with a good friend of mine who has repeat pregnancy loss, the experience with the m/c has strips away the belief that the attainment of the BFP is the end and you now know what can really happen after the BFP. I hope things go much better this next time.

    I totally understand the desire to believe your body can do it, that if you just give it a little more time she'll take care of things on her own one way or another.