One Month

The twins are now 5, going on 6, weeks old.  They say this time goes by so fast, and it truly does.  At their appointment this week, Chase was up to 7lb, 10oz and Alexis was 7lb, 12oz.  It's funny how they weigh pretty much the same, but for some reason she looks so much bigger.  I attribute it to Chase always wanting to be scrunched up, and therefore doesn't look as long. 

I'd like to say the sleep deprivation has gotten better, but it really hasn't.  I've just become more use to it at this point.  It also helps that Jeff and I decided we need to start being nicer to each other during those wee morning hours.  Can't say it always happens, but we're trying.... 

I don't have much to write about as far as milestones go.  The babies are still pretty much just sleeping, waking about every 3 hours to eat.  They do have times where they are awake for a period of time, but nothing consistent.  I'm still at a loss as to what to do with them when they are awake.  I put them under their play gym, talk to them, and do tummy time.  I feel like I should be doing more, which makes my insecurites as a mother creep in already.

One thing we are struggling with right now is Alexis' acid reflux.  She has this "episodes" where she arches her back, foams at the mouth, and cries in pain.  They only last for a couple minutes, and she only has them maybe once or twice a day, but they scare the crap out of me because she always appears that she is choking/can't catch her breath.  Luckily I've always been there to pick her up and pat her on the back to try and help her.  The pediatrician swears up and down there is no way she can choke.  However, it still makes it hard for me to sleep at night - I'm scared to death of taking my eyes off her for one minute.  The babies sleep in their Rock 'n Plays right beside my side of the bed so for now I'm okay sleeping because I can hear if she starts doing this.  However, we feel like we need to start transitioning them to either their cribs or Pack 'n Play, and I'm reluctant to do so until we get this reflux under control.  We started her on Zantac last Monday, but it doesn't seem to have helped.  The pediatrician said to give it two weeks to kick in, and if it still isn't working she will switch her to Prevacid.  It's so frustrating though having one more thing to worry about.

poor guy always seems to end up wrapped in pink or purple :)



 
Other than that we're doing well.  I will admit being home with them all day long gets pretty tiring and makes for some long days.  I hope this doesn't make me sound like a horrible mother, but I don't think I'll be too upset when it comes time to go back to work.  I miss interaction with adults and feel like I'm so out of touch with the real world at the moment.  It would help if it was summer and warm outside so that we could get out for walks.  I have decided that I need to force myself to start getting out - at least to walk around the mall or something.  I've been too scared to venture out by myself with them, but know the more I do it the less scary it will be.  So that's my goal from here forth - to get out and go somewhere at least a couple times a week.

That's it for now - I'll leave you with more photos:

my handsome little guy

Bathtime fun!

seriously, these rock 'n plays are a Godsend

Two Weeks At Home

Holy moly, how our lives have changed in these last few weeks.  The twins have been home for 2 weeks now, and our lives now consist of feeding, changing diapers, and trying to squeeze in any minute of sleep here and there that we possibly can.  Shame on every parent out there for keeping this sleep deprivation thing a secret from the rest of us unsuspecting soon-to-be parents.  I know, I know, you always hear people say how tiring taking care of a baby is.  But I never dreamed it would be this bad.  Jeff and I walk around our house like zombies.  We can't even carry on a conversation anymore because we are so tired.  But....

looking at these faces every day makes it all so worth it.

Miss Alexis:

You are going to be our little diva.  When you wake up you want your food, and you want it NOW.  I laugh every single time I feed you because your rooting is out of this world.  You search for anything and everything you can find to suck on until that bottle hits your lips.  You are also Miss Independent.  While you do still love to cuddle, you are also okay with being left alone to get your beauty sleep.  You already bring me so much joy, and I can't wait to see what kind of little girl you grow up to be.


Chase:

 

As you can see, you make the cutest faces.  I know it's involuntary at this point, but you have the best smile - it melts my heart every time.  You are pretty easy-going, although you seem to have found your voice in the last few days.  I think you have taken cues from your sister and decided you don't want to patiently wait for your food anymore, and loudly tell us when it's your time as well.  You love to cuddle, and mama wishes she had more time to do so with you. 

 

Since time is limited I'll have to settle for a photo dump:

 

(Everyone is ready to go home!)

 

(We're bustin' outta this joint)

 

(these Rock 'N Plays have been a lifesaver.  If you are considering getting one, I highly recommend it)

 

 

They're Here!

Phew - what a week it has been....

The twins decided to make their grand appearance 5 weeks early.  Last Sunday (1/27) my water broke shortly before 4:30am.  I frantically showered and packed my hospital bag (side note:  when people say to prepare early when you are pregnant with twins - do it!!) and we got to the hospital around 6:00.  They confirmed my water did break, and I was 3cm dilated, but contractions weren't registering on the monitors yet.  Then we had the choice to make: vaginal delivery or c-section.  After many doctors talked over the risks of each, we decided a breech extraction with twin B just sounded to terrifying, and opted for the c-section.

Chase and Alexis were born shortly before 11:00am.  Chase weighed in at 5lb, and Alexis was 4lb, 8oz.   They were both immediately taken to the NICU as both were having some trouble breathing.  Alexis ended up not needing any help with breathing and was left on room air.  Chase ended up needing to be on a CPAP, but that was taken out a couple days later as he really didn't need it either.

Both babes are still in the NICU, and what a tiring experience that has been.  Neither one have any health issues - they just need to gain weight and take all of their feedings by bottle before they can go home.  Alexis is doing much better in this department, and it looks like she's not too far off from going home.  Unfortunately Chase has steadily been losing weight and gets so tired drinking from his bottle that he tuckers out and falls asleep halfway through.  Yesterday they decided to cut back on the amount of times they/we try to feed him by bottle (and just feed him through his NG tube) so that he can get more rest and start gaining some weight. 

Leaving my babies behind every night to go home and sleep is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.  I'm even more upset now that they likely will not be going home together and little Chase is going to be left behind.  It absolutely breaks my heart.  I keep trying to tell myself this will all be over soon, and they are in the best place they need to be.  It's just so heart-wrenching when they have been with me every second of every day for 8 months, and then suddenly we have to be apart. 

Did I mention these post-partum hormones are torturous? :)

I apologize about the quality of pics I have to show you, it's been so crazy I haven't even had to a chance to get some good, and more recent, shots of them.  I promise there will be many more to come!

Meet Chase:

(this was shortly after he was taken off the cpap and his NG tube was still through his mouth instead of nose - he looks so much more comfortable now)

 

 

Meet Alexis:

 



My One and Only Complaint Post

Even infertiles and those with multiple losses are allowed one pregnancy complaint post, right?  Okay, well here's mine.

This is getting hard.  Like, really hard.  Like, really, really hard.  A month ago I was laughing this pregnancy in the face at how easy this pregnancy had been.  I would read other moms of multiples posts about how hard it was and took such a toll on their body.  A month ago I was still feeling pretty good and didn't think that would happen to me.  I was wrong.  Dead wrong.

I've gotten to the point where I feel like I can't do anything.  Standing on my feet for more than 5 minutes kills my back, feet, and any other body part you could think of.  Unfortunately, I can't just lay around all day.  I still need to get up, get ready for work, make dinner (sometimes), and make sure the dishes don't pile up too high. 

Jeff and I went to the mall last weekend and I became THAT woman.  You know the one - the fat, pregnant woman who needs to stop and sit down for a few minutes and rest because walking through the mall wipes her out that much.  Embarrassing.  I told Jeff that was our last trip to the mall until these kiddos get here.  And I meant it. 

Oh, and aside from the aches, pains, swelling and fatigue, sleep has become a total joke.  I'm lucky if I get a few hours worth of sleep at night.  My pattern lately has been:  get a couple hours of sleep, wake up having to pee and being super uncomfortable in bed, somehow mange to roll myself out of bed and hit the bathroom, proceed to the recliner and bundle up in blankets, and sit there.  And sit.  And sit.  If I'm lucky I'll fall back asleep there for another couple hours until the alarm finally goes off.  Last night took the cake though - a whole 30 minutes of sleep was had between 1:00am and 6:00am.  Good times.

I've also gone into full panic mode the last couple days and have realized there is still SO much left to do.  All of a sudden I feel so unprepared.  I had a dream the other night that I went into labor and my hospital bag wasn't packed and my camera battery wasn't charged.  Cue panic immediately upon waking the next morning. 

The crummy thing is though that I have no energy to get anything done that needs to be done.  And now I'm kicking myself for waiting this long to do it.  I guess that's what being pregnant after 3 losses does to a person.  It turns their procrastination switch on full blast.  Why plan too far ahead when you don't feel like you have a guarantee that everything will ultimately be okay? 

I know everything will work out.  Babies don't need much in the beginning, and Target is just a few minutes away if we do forget anything.  And I know all the pains are going to be worth it the second these babies come into this world.  I'm getting really anxious to meet them - which I'm sure is partly to do with how I'm feeling.  I'm keeping my fingers crossed that my doctor will at least discuss an induction date at my appointment next week.  I feel like unless I have a final end date in mind, these last few weeks are going to drag on and feel neverending.  A date on the calendar would give me something to look forward to, and to know that this isn't going to last forever. 

In an effort to try not to be a complete Negative Nancy I try to look for the positive, and last night I found it.  Laying awake half the night gives me that many more hours in the day to feel these little ones movin' and shakin' in there :)



 

Shower

I apologize for being absent the last few weeks.  All is still well, I just haven't been able to muster up the energy in the evenings to come down to the computer and write a post (I really need to catch up with the 21st Century and get a laptop).  But tonight I have a little surge of energy, and am getting some laundry done and finally getting some photos uploaded to the computer. 

My shower was this past weekend, hosted by my mom and Jeff's sister.  They did a really great job!  It was a "Two Peas in a Pod" theme, and turned out really cute.  We just had it at our house, in our basement.  It was a central location for everyone that came, and I'm secretly relieved I didn't have to travel.  I've read on multiples message boards that you should have your shower sooner rather than later because of how exhausting it can be, and I can see why.  33 weeks probably wasn't the ideal time, but the holidays interfered with having it any sooner.  But, I survived, had fun, and received a lot of great stuff for the babes!

(the cupcakes were seriously too cute to eat)

 

 

 

In other baby news, I had an appointment this week and everything went well.  The growth ultrasound has Baby Girl's weight estimated at 4lb, 7oz and Baby Boy's weight at 4lb, 11oz.  I'm always amazed how much they grow from month to month.  It makes me feel relieved at this point that they are at a good weight if something were to happen.  My doctor decided for me to start having weekly NSTs from here on out, and everything checked out well with my first one this week.  I wish I had known that ahead of time and brought a book along with me.  It made for a pretty boring 45 minutes! 

 

Still no talk of a specific induction date.  He didn't bring it up, and I didn't ask.  I will for sure ask him when I see him again - I'm getting anxious to meet these little ones!

 

I'll leave you with my 32 week bump pic.  I have to say I'm starting to feel like a huge beached whale.  I don't think I look that bad until I see a picture of myself and then I cringe a little.  I'm starting to think everyone is lying to me and just trying to be nice when they say how great I look :) 

 

More ramblings to come soon....I promise. 

28 Week Update (and other ramblings)

I'm almost two weeks late in posting this.  Sorry!  Time seems to have started moving faster and is getting away from me.  We have about 8 weeks to go, which is so crazy to think about.  It's getting down to crunch time, and we have so much left to do! 

First, my 28 week bump photo:

 

 

When I look in the mirror I don't think I look that big.  And then I see a photo of myself and it all makes sense - the reason for my aching back, swollen feet, and general feeling of exhaustion.  This carrying two babies thing is starting to take it's toll on me! 

 

Once again, everything went great at my 28 week appointment last Monday.  Baby boy finally seems to have outgrown his sister, with an estimated weight of 3 lb, 1oz.  Sister was estimated at 2 lb, 13 oz.  I walked out of there thinking, "weird, I have 6 pounds of baby in there and I still feel great!"  Yeah, I spoke too soon because that all seems to have gone downhill over the last week.  No major complaints, but I'm just generally feeling more uncomfortable and tired.  I no longer walk - I waddle :)

 

In other news:

 

Nursery

 

We did it.  We repainted.  Or I should say Jeff repainted this weekend.  We just couldn't stand the baby blue hue the paint was taking on and found another paint that was a more definite grey that we were looking for.  I know those of you who commented thought it looked grey, but what I bet you will think differently when you see this comparison (the darker blocks is the new color):

 

 

So now that the painting is done and finally the color we want, we could get both cribs set up!

 

Still working on bedding and other furniture, so that's as far we have gotten so far.

Work

I just accepted a new position at work this week.  It's a supervisory position that, of course, entails more responsiblity.  Not the best timing to be starting a new position, but that can't be helped.  I've basically been doing the same job for 6 years, so I'm very nervous about doing something new and different.  There will be a bit of a learning curve, but I know I have it in me to succeed.  I also feel like I will have people working alongside and above me who will all be great mentors to lean on.  And hey - with two babies on the way, more money is definitely a huge motiviation to take this on.

Daycare

Sore subject.  Move on!  Seriously though, this has been a hot topic and source of disagreement in our household for a few weeks.  Long story short, I feel more comfortable sending them to a center (which will have better hours, more security, and will be more reliable).  Jeff wants to send them to an in-home and his only argument for that is it's cheaper.  Despite his objection, I went ahead and put a deposit down at a center in order to secure spots for them.  To please Jeff, I'm still going to look for in-homes, but felt like I needed them to have a spot somewhere in order to take some stress off me, and not put so much pressure on our search.  I still think it's going to be difficult to find an good in-home with two openings, but I guess you never know. 

I'd like to say I'll be back before Christmas, but since that's only 5 days away (how did that happen?!) I know that's probably unlikely.  So, I will wish you all Happy Holidays now!  Stay safe if you are traveling and enjoy your time with family and friends!

 



Seeing Gray....Or Blue?

Well, I'm 26 weeks pregnant and we decided it was time to start on the nursery this weekend.  I know there are people out there who start in on decorating the nursery as soon as they find out they are pregnant, but that certainly was not going to be me.  Heck, if I could I'd wait until these babies are actually born, but I know that probably wouldn't be the smartest idea either.  So, a couple weeks past viability I finally felt comfortable enough to get this thing started. 

So, are you ready for the long drama?

We had tossed around a few ideas for how to do the room.  Let me just say, trying to figure out how to decorate a room for both a boy and a girl is hard.  Like, really hard.  At first we were going to do a jungle theme - and somewhere along the way decided we weren't in love with that idea.  Not to mention I was stressing out about how uncreative I am and wasn't sure I was up to the challenge of doing a themed room and having it come out cute.  So, in the end we finally decided to paint the walls gray, figuring whatever girl and boy bedding we find would go well with that color.

Ok, back to the drama.

Gray.  If I hear that word one more time I think I'll shoot myself.  Last week was spent scouring Pinterest and Goo.gle Images for gray nursery ideas and paint colors, and running around to various stores getting paint samples to see how they would look on the wall.  We painted the samples on over our currently beige wall, and everything came out....blue.  Off to the store for more samples, put them on the wall, and.....blue.  WTF?!  We finally figured out the beige was coming through, turning the colors into something they weren't.  We were trying to avoid priming, but decided it was inevitable if we wanted the paint color to turn out right. 

Jeff's mom, bless her heart, had decided to come to our place for Thanksgiving this year and stay through the weekend so she and Jeff could paint (neither of them wanted me around all the paint fumes, which was probably the right thing to do).  So they got the walls primed Friday, and Saturday morning we painted the samples back on the wall.  What a difference!  The colors actually looked gray, and matched the paper swatches this time.  Right away all 3 of us zeroed in on one color and immediately decided that was the one.  It was Benjamin Moore's Coventry Gray. So, off to the hardware store to buy a gallon of paint.

Here's where the drama continues.  BM has 3 lines of paint, and only their high end line (i.e. their $67 a gallon line) carries the satin finish, which is what we (and doesn't everyone else?) wanted.  Jeff was not happy.  At all.  Jeff can be, shall we say, a little tight with money.  I have to say I can't blame him in this case though.  $35 for a gallon of paint?  A normal amount we were expecting to spend.  $67?  Holy moly, that's unreasonable!  After arguing talking it over, we decided we already had the color we liked picked out and didn't feel like starting all over again with trying to find one we liked.  So, we forked over the dough and headed back home for Jeff and his mom to get to work:

(notice the window sill? he needed to calm his nerves after all that)

 

Finally getting some color on the wall!  Looks so pretty going on doesn't it?

 

Pretty gray walls:

 

 

Or is it baby blue?

 



Gah!  Now that it's all on and dried, it's giving off more of a baby blue hue - although still sometimes gray depending on what light it's in.  It's not exactly what we had in mind, but what can we do at this point?  We've already spent $67 on a gallon of paint, plus primer, plus who knows how much in samples.  It's too late to do it all over again.  I really think the beige ceiling, beige carpet, light brown woodwork, and light brown dresser (that we may end up not using afterall) is making it have the blue tint.  I'm keeping my fingers crossed that once we get our dark cribs in there, with some cute bedding and fun stuff on the walls, that it will look much better. 

Needless to say, what was suppose to be a fun experience, turned out to be pretty stressful all the way through to the end.  I sure hope the rest of the decorating is smooth-sailing from here on out....

So what do you think?  Is is gray?  Or is it blue?